1901 – Adevărul Newspaper
Girls’ Dowries – To a Parent. (Local)
You complain about “young men” today, saying they weren’t raised with the “ideals” of marriage, that they’re skeptical, picky, and that girls with “decent dowries” are left waiting for Prince Charming, who never arrives.
I understand: you have a daughter of marriageable age, and I can imagine your desire as a parent to see her happy and yourself rocking grandchildren on your knees.
You complain about matchmakers who “don’t understand their mission” and ask if serious matrimonial agencies shouldn’t be established.
You’ve come to the wrong person on that front — I’m a dreamer who can only tell you that I don’t believe in “domestic happiness” organized through agencies or other intermediaries.
But on the topic of skepticism and the celibate tendencies of today’s youth — even with all the girls’ “decent dowries” — there’s something serious to say. The fault lies not with the young men or the girls, but more directly with the parents, and more broadly with our society’s education system.
A young man who is a merchant — if it’s about a marriage based on calculation (which doesn’t necessarily mean unhappiness) — naturally expects that, along with his duties to wife and children, his capital will at least double through marriage. Most merchants are satisfied.
If he’s a public servant or in a liberal profession, things get complicated. His salary or fees are scorned by the parents of girls with “decent dowries,” even though merchants can lose their capital just as easily as a doctor or lawyer can lose their position or interrupt their practice. In fact, the latter may restore their income more easily than a merchant can recover lost capital.
The income of a civil servant, lawyer, doctor, etc., should be considered as a return on capital — and on that basis, they have every right to “make demands” in marriages involving dowries. Especially since it’s known that the girls who won’t marry merchants are often the most demanding and refined — and thus the most expensive.
Truly fortunate are those girls who, like men, have been able to turn a “decent dowry” into an income through a trade or liberal profession.
They are truly “endowed” — and their increasing number would reduce bachelorhood and increase the number of happy marriages.
— E.D.F.
1904 – Dimineața Newspaper
What Kind of Women Do Men Like?
This question was posed — and answered — by Mr. Rafford Pyke, an American philosopher, sociologist, psychologist, and moralist, in The Cosmopolitan magazine.
Regardless of his methods — or lack thereof, since his conclusions seem based on personal observations — Mr. Pyke reaches the following general conclusions:
The kind of woman men like is not the beautiful one. Beauty no longer has an impact on them. Beautiful women are admired, but not loved.
It’s odd Mr. Pyke feels this way, given how rare truly beautiful women are — and how those who are beautiful certainly don’t lack admirers. If “beautiful” includes the merely pretty, then we certainly have plenty of them — in which case, his opinion might have some merit.
Mr. Pyke continues: the woman men like is graceful, more than she is merely pretty.
In this, everyone likely agrees. Grace of face, expression, and movement is the strongest and most enduring attraction a woman can exert over a man.
He also notes that awkward and clumsy men admire in their partners that grace of movement which Diderot famously described as “the precise and rigorous conformity of the body to the nature of motion.”
Thus, dancing has always been a courtship ritual across many cultures. But while most men need dance to notice a woman’s grace, connoisseurs — or simply those with refined perception — need only observe her walk.
“The walk of a goddess upon clouds,” said Saint-Simon of the Duchess of Burgundy. “Et vera incessu patuit Dea,” wrote Virgil of Venus — “and by her walk, the goddess was revealed.”
Grace is grace in motion. “I hate movement that disturbs the lines,” said a French poet — but movement that enhances the lines, that seems to reshape them into new harmony with every gesture, is the supreme grace. Static grace is a beautiful statue; moving grace is life itself in harmony.
1904 – Dimineața Newspaper
The Price of a Woman
In our country — and many others — a girl can only marry if she has a dowry, except in rare exceptions.
In so-called “primitive” regions of Africa, Oceania, and Asia, it’s the reverse: brides are purchased, at prices that vary based on social class and local wealth.
In Timbuktu, for instance, a man gains a wife by giving his in-laws a used boat — or two very used ones.
Among the Niams-Niams, women are bartered for other women who can perform the same labor in the household.
In Mishuri, social status determines value: a poor man can trade a stolen chicken for a poor wife, while a rich man gives 20 oxen for an aristocratic bride.
In Upper Zambezi, all you need is a shell necklace.
In Magoni, two deer skins will earn you a wife.
Among the Tartars, women are traded for butter. In Tierra del Fuego, whale skin is the gift demanded by a bride’s family.
These are the marriage customs of the 20th century in various corners of the globe.
In the so-called “civilized” world, men are bought — for hundreds of thousands of lei. Lucky them!…
1904 – Dimineața Newspaper
Flirting
As I’ve said, flirting — this lamentable pastime unfortunately practiced by so many women today — often results in male victims.
I want to believe that a woman who doesn’t love doesn’t realize the harm she causes. But I cannot stress enough how reckless it is when a woman awakens a man’s feelings without any intention of reciprocating them.
Instead of accepting or encouraging constant compliments from a man just for fun, an honest, kind woman will shut down any affection she cannot return.
She must resist the temptation to boast about affection she doesn’t share. She must allow the man she unintentionally stirred to free his heart before his pain runs too deep.
A woman who truly desires happiness in marriage will do this, for it spares her future husband a potential weapon of resentment.
Many young ladies — without their mothers’ knowledge — maintain correspondence with suitors. These letters often contain reckless, insincere expressions. Such secret exchanges are incredibly dangerous.
The ego boost — common in most girls and women today — of enjoying a man’s suffering when they know full well he’s in love with them, even when they themselves have started to love him back, is nothing more than unconscious cruelty.
When they finally see the damage they’ve done, it’s often too late. The wounded heart has moved on. He’s gone to heal his pain — and I’ve known many women left with irreparable regret.
And sometimes, only that regret redeems them in my eyes.
If you love someone, why act as if you don’t?
Love is a delicate flower that a cold breeze can wither. If the man you love is worthy of you, why reject — even outwardly — a feeling that brings happiness?
To be respected and loved, one doesn’t need to scorn sincere affection.
— Maria Demetrian
Marriageable Girls – A Reply
As I see it, dear reader, you wish to become the wife of a man whose superior intelligence would be a constant source of admiration for you.
I’ll admit that your aspirations aren’t base, since you hope to find in your husband not someone to dominate or erase, but a protector placed so high in your eyes that you’d feel happy letting yourself be guided by him, making his will your own.
However, I must add that high intellect—even genius—isn’t enough to make even the most enthusiastic wife happy if those fine gifts aren’t paired with moral qualities just as noble, if not more essential.
I know that a young girl has no means of expressing to a man the tenderness he inspires in her.
A woman doesn’t offer her affection. She waits for it to be asked for. But she has the right to accept or reject the one who comes forward—meaning she can choose her life companion.
If a girl is forbidden from being bold or drawing attention to the man she likes, she is also not obligated, as many say, to behave coldly or indifferently toward him just to seem more “valuable.”
The right attitude is one of gracious reserve. Would it not be absurd for her to deliberately appear unpleasant in the eyes of the very man whose affection she desires?
If all her charm fails to win his love, she must not show even a trace of regret or resentment. She should not become sad or bitter toward the man who didn’t fall for her. She should simply strive to let go, step away, and forget.
The sincere and honest feelings of a young woman in such circumstances can never be reproached—for she preserved all her dignity and never crossed the bounds of propriety.
— Maria Demetrian
For Betrayed and Abandoned Girls
I’ve read in the papers that Queen Elisabeth intends to create a section at the Philanthropy Asylum for girls who have been betrayed and abandoned.
These girls would learn the cultivation of silkworms.
I confess I write this with deep emotion.
Betrayed and abandoned! Nothing more common, more mundane—and yet nothing more painful or deserving of compassion.
The picture is simple in all the power of its misfortune: a girl loved sincerely and purely, with a heart full of innocence and no life experience.
And then she is disappointed. The one who seduced her with promises and vows becomes a coward, leaving her without remorse—equaling only his betrayal with his cowardice.
And society registers one more victim: another unfortunate soul, cast adrift, an outcast among the crashing waves of life.
“Society”—that complex structure driven by blind prejudice, the so-called “world”—scorns her, no longer considers her a part of it. This poor soul now begins to atone—through endless moral suffering—for the crime of having loved and trusted, while her seducer earns yet another mark of social prestige, maybe even a richer dowry.
No one is more deserving of pity than these poor victims. And it should be known: it is almost always the poor girls who truly suffer in this way. The wealthy find comfort and restoration more easily.
Instead of scorn, these women—who carry lifelong sorrow in their bleeding hearts—deserve a healing hand, shelter, and compassion.
May this example lead many women to realize that, too often, we do the opposite of what we should—we rush to open wounds instead of closing them.
— Maria Demetrian
The Fiancé – To Miss Rozetta, local
A girl should not rush into marriage. Many young women think that getting married means securing a life of freedom and pleasure. They believe marriage will change their social standing and give them liberty… but true women give up liberty in the hands of their husbands.
When thinking about marriage, one must understand it means taking on the most serious duties.
A woman marries to make happy the one she has chosen, to dedicate herself to him, to form a family with him, to fulfill her full human purpose. She must ask herself whether she’s ready for this mission—and if not, prepare for it.
That way, she might come to value a husband for far more than the superficial image she originally imagined.
External advantages mean little compared to a noble soul and generous intelligence. You quickly grow indifferent to a man’s handsome features, and the “proper” appearance of a gentleman matters little for happiness if it’s not joined by more solid virtues.
A generous nature, a noble heart, offers deeper and truer joy.
I once saw a foolish girl reject a good man simply because he didn’t bow gracefully and chose poor clothing! As if she couldn’t later help him choose better clothes—or even teach him to bow!
A smart girl wouldn’t admire a shallow fop and wouldn’t attach herself to a man so lacking in both intellect and character.
A true gentleman—and I use the term in its highest sense—is the type a woman should dream of. There are gentlemen in all walks of life, because only moral worth grants that title: sincerity, loyalty, bravery, honesty, and delicacy. You recognize him by his respect for women, by the way he speaks of his mother and sisters.
He may lack some of the flashy traits that first catch the eye—but they are easily acquired. As he is, he cannot be disliked; he is loved and respected.
That is the kind of man who makes a woman happy.
— Maria Demetrian
On Jealousy and Envy
Today, the word jealous means little—an insipid term, barely worth acknowledging.
If someone is called jealous, they no longer defend themselves. Often, you’ll hear a woman jokingly say: “Oh, my dear, my husband is so jealous…” and the man himself shrugs it off as meaningless.
Yet jealousy is not a noble trait—it is not a virtue of a great soul.
In ancient times, jealousy was seen as a form of hatred. Later, it was understood as a form of envy—a daughter of lowly egoism.
Climb the ladder of vices, and jealousy leads to envy, and envy to selfishness—the mother of all flaws.
Psychology defines jealousy as “disinterested envy” and often merges the two. If jealousy seeks to destroy the object of its rage, it becomes envy—reaching the edge of egoism.
Othello, who kills from jealousy, is no less guilty than Catiline, who kills out of envy. But Othello might be given some pity, for his crime is passion—not profit. Catiline seeks power; his crime is cold.
So, dear reader, jealousy is not a noble passion. It is just another page in the book of vice.
We should strive to say:
“How grand, how sweet it is to say: I have no enemies, only rivals I admire.”
— Voltaire
For jealousy, born of comparing our worth with others, pulls us unknowingly into a desire for revenge—a base feeling. And what’s worse, this feeling, often disguised by weakness, poisons us. It makes us see enemies everywhere and robs us of peace, disturbing those around us as well.
— Signed: One Who Is Not Jealous
1906 – Dimineața Newspaper
THE CAUSES OF THE DECLINE IN MARRIAGE
No one can deny that we are in a crisis of celibacy. Anyone can observe this in their own family, among their friends and acquaintances.
Young women, well-educated, trained in the varied duties of good wives and homemakers, naturally endowed with physical and moral virtues—who promise to become excellent life partners—still remain unmarried. It’s almost unbelievable that no man has come forward to propose to such women. But the shame lies more with the young men than with the women.
What are the reasons that marriage rates are so low? Why are true marriages based on love and affection becoming increasingly rare? Why are marriages today more about calculation and interest?
Some argue it’s due to the surplus of women compared to men. But statistics, with their painful precision, show that this supposed imbalance is greatly exaggerated.
The true causes lie elsewhere—in the luxurious lifestyle that has infiltrated all layers of society.
Our grandmothers didn’t know the greed for pleasure that is now fashionable. They didn’t live wastefully. They didn’t see money as the all-saving power. That’s why they got married. That’s why they were wonderful homemakers, devoted mothers, loyal and courageous companions to their husbands. They focused everything on the sacred roles of wife and mother and did not chase other idols or personal ambitions.
Luxury has so deeply rooted itself into our social life that even young men capable of supporting a woman now hesitate.
They fear that a pampered young lady may find shared domestic life degrading or miserable.
What about all those sons-in-law who rely solely on the support of their in-laws? Who dares propose to a girl whose luxurious expectations require a fortune?
Most bachelors, even when enchanted by a lovely young woman with a modest dowry, harden their hearts and choose celibacy over a modest life with limited means.
Their ideal is the dowry, and they chase it like hunters.
But such speculative marriages will never elevate our spiritual, cultural, or moral standards. If change is to come, it must begin with a new education for women—one that reaches every social class.
The only cure is to curb luxury and crazy expectations. Once this happens, once the old virtues of selflessness and duty return, we may finally reach the goal: men will realize that women can adapt to a modest life, and thus find the courage to marry humbly.
(To be continued)
— Violetta from Iași
Letters from the Public – A Reader’s Response
Dear Madam,
It’s clear that the decline in marriage today is largely due to the spread of luxury, found everywhere—from the peasant’s shoes to the top of the social ladder.
The peasant woman of the past was content to wear clothes made by her own hardworking hands, adorned with hand-stitched borders or a veil woven by herself. Her whole being radiated charm in traditional dress.
Today’s peasant women scorn national costumes—because “even the ladies don’t wear them,” they say. Now they demand fashionable dresses and hats!
The modest middle-class woman wants silk and jewelry.
And the upper-class woman? Her vanity is even greater, her ideas of happiness even vaguer. She wants to dominate and be first in everything—and believes only luxury can bring her that status.
Such a woman is forever busy choosing outfits, neglecting her duties as wife and mother. Even at dinner, even at night, her mind is fixed on what dress to wear to the next ball…
What’s worse is that almost all women today suffer from this disease—inherited from their mothers.
But who is really to blame for this unrestrained luxury?
I believe it’s not only the women, but the men too. They complain about the cost of their wives’ wardrobes, but they’re also the ones who admire everything luxurious!
Here’s an example: two women—one beautiful, simply dressed; the other less attractive, but decked in expensive clothes. Who gets all the attention? Of course, the elegant one! Even the husband of the modestly dressed woman turns his eyes to the luxurious one.
A woman is still a woman—no matter how reasonable, she carries within her a desire to be admired. That’s why our women become coquettish, overspend on luxury—and who encourages them? Their own husbands, through the preference they show for the elegant.
So why complain about not being able to marry a modest woman, when the modestly dressed one is the one you all ignore?
What answer do you have for that?
— Natalia H. Narcisa, Constanța
MARRIAGE ADS
In England, the history of matrimonial ads has been well documented for over 30 years, thanks to Henry Sampson, who dedicated an entire chapter to marriage ads in his book. These ads are fascinating human documents, revealing how people think, what they want, and what society values at a given time.
In 1901, a statistician in the United States found that 36,000 marriages were made through newspaper ads. He calculated that the number grows by 10% each year, and that each marriage produced on average two children. So in 10 years, these ads helped increase the U.S. population by 10 million. An impressive result.
But matrimonial ads are not a modern invention. The earliest known one dates from London, July 19, 1695:
(From the newspaper editor)
“I have decided from today onward to include marriage ads in my newspaper. Readers should not be surprised or judge this harshly. I only wish to help unite two souls who might find happiness together.”
Then follows the actual ad:
“A gentleman, 30 years old, holding a respected position, seeks to marry a young lady with a fortune of 3,000 pounds sterling.”
This method of matchmaking quickly spread beyond England.
In 1738, the first matrimonial ad appeared in a German newspaper. Today, nearly every newspaper in the world includes such ads.
However, don’t assume this development is a sign of progress. A more critical thinker might say:
“Modern marriage has become pure commerce. Just as there’s a market for goods, now there’s a market for women—objects of pleasure for sale.”
— L.P.
1906 – Dimineața Newspaper
ALL ABOUT CELIBACY – To Mrs. H.
I’ve read and reread the lines in which you describe the causes of celibacy. In my opinion, this is one of the most important issues of our time, which is why I’ve decided to humbly share my own thoughts, hoping you’ll publish them.
Today, marriage is seen as ordinary commerce. The blame lies with the passions that dominate both women and men—especially men. From an early age, boys are taught to value wealth. They often hear their parents say:
“I won’t let my son marry unless it’s to a rich girl.”
The defining trait of our young men—I’ll say it bluntly—is their chase for a fat dowry, regardless of who brings it. I’ve even heard some say:
“I’d like that girl, if only she came with some fresh cash.”
Modern marriages are built on selfish interest, social position, money, vanity, ambition, and a desire for an easy life—ideally without work.
Girls, in turn, grow up with the idea that they should only marry a rich man.
Instead of being taught that one day they’ll have to run a household and bring happiness to a marriage—to make happy the man whose name they will take—they are taught to be coquettish, to stand out through beauty, luxury, and eccentricity, to attract a rich man. It doesn’t matter if he’s handsome or ugly, cultured or ignorant. As long as he’s wealthy, he will dazzle both the girl—who sees wealth as the highest happiness, allowing her to indulge every whim—and her mother, who, in her selfishness, sees no greater joy than to marry off her daughter to a wealthy man.
But in such marriages, there can be no true love. There’s no room in their hearts for this sweet and sacred feeling.
We live in a time when every noble sentiment is drowned in the misery of everyday life, when those with empty minds and hearts rise to prominence and are celebrated simply because they have money. Wealth and depravity have become the rulers of our times.
— Elise d’or
1910 – Mișcarea Newspaper
OUR INVESTIGATION: MARRIAGE ADS
Matrimonial Agencies – How They Operate
The alarming rise in marriage ads in our newspapers should be obvious even to those who have stopped believing that “marriages are made in heaven.”
Sadly, no statistics exist on how many marriages actually result from these ads. But the numbers are surely very small, especially when compared to the overwhelming number of ads posted. And anyone who can “read between the lines” will quickly see that most of these ads do not come from genuine suitors, but from commercially run matrimonial agencies that thrive off the naïveté of the public.
This also explains the tone of the ads, which often lack sentiment and shame—sounding more like a crude market transaction than a romantic union.
One needs some experience to distinguish between private, serious, or joking ads and those from commercial agencies. The latter, aware of people’s aversion to “official” agencies, post stealthy, vague ads that seem sincere. Only after 3–4 letters does it become clear that you’re dealing with an agency.
The Public’s Naïveté
A curious person decided to investigate the practices of these agencies. Through extended correspondence, they discovered that behind nearly every “suitor” or “lady” was actually a commercial agency fishing for clients.
For example:
- A “wealthy American lady staying in Europe” seeks a gentleman from high society.
- A “poor orphan with 95,000 lei” (95,000 sounds more credible than a round 100,000) is looking for a husband.
- A gentleman with 300,000 lei seeks a woman of similar means.
- The ad mentions “discretion guaranteed” and “anonymous letters will be discarded.”
These are textbook signs of commercial agencies. Especially the part about refusing anonymous letters—since agencies need names and addresses to operate.
How Agencies Make Their Money
The main source of profit for these agencies is not successful marriages, but the various fees charged to clients before any meeting even happens.
- First, there’s a “postage fee” of 50 bani to 2 lei from all those who inquire.
- Then comes an “advance fee for processing” of 10–20 lei.
- Then a “travel expense bonus” if a face-to-face meeting is arranged.
- And if the client still hasn’t caught on, more charges follow.
That this scam is highly profitable is proven by the huge number of agencies operating today. They show astonishing skill in deceiving people—and because the victims are often too embarrassed to admit they’ve been duped, the agencies continue unchecked.
— I.M.
1916 – Dimineața Newspaper
WHAT IS LOVE?
By Dr. George D. Fischer, with a foreword by Professor Mihail Dragomirescu
A few highlights from the book’s contents:
Part I: The Origins of Love
- Love is Life
- The Mysteries of Love
- Love Through the Ages
- Romantic Fulfillment
- Seduction and Romanticism
- The Most Virtuous Maiden
- Love as an Instinct
Part II: The Purpose of Love
- The Complement of the Sexes
- The Myth of Sexual Struggle
- The Role of Instinct
- The Mechanism of Love
- Beauty and Desire
- Emotion, Feeling, Passion
- Nature’s Intent
- Love vs. Interest
Part III: Social Forms of Love
- Monogamy, Polygamy, Polyandry
- Matriarchy and Female Sovereignty
- Inferiority Myths
- Marriage and Love
- Women in Marriage
- Platonic Love
- On Flirtation
- Modesty in Love
Part IV: The Hygiene of Love
- What Love Hygiene Means
- How Organs Function
- The Role of Sexual Desire
- Natural Law vs. Social Convention
- When Young People Should Marry
Price: 1 leu. Available in bookstores and from all newspaper vendors.
The Bachelors, from Universul Literar, 1923:
The issue seems controversial, and if you attempt an inquiry among bachelors, you are struck by the sheer flood of arguments they offer to defend their splendid isolation.
Revealing these motives is particularly interesting for those unfamiliar with this aspect of male psychology, so it is worth presenting here as a kind of social document.
There is a category of bachelors who don’t belong to the so-called “men of principle” and who attribute their indecision to material constraints.
The variations in which they express their reasons go like this:
— “In marriage, more than anything, you need money—lots of money. And since I have little, very little, my future partner would need just as much courage as I have, to face together the hardships of a life close to normal.”
Another says:
— “Who would happily tie their life to someone who, in the name of love, from the start asks them for resignation and courage, instead of promising the generous life they’ve dreamed of?”
Or:
— “To ask someone to sacrifice their dreams of comfort just for the delight of being next to the one they love—this is an absurd demand. Those who understand human frailty don’t dare make it.”
An equally interesting profession of faith comes from a bachelor who is a lawyer and a supporter of free love. Considering the experiences of others sufficient to learn from, he explains:
— “My view of marriage separates me completely from others. While common thinking sees lasting relationships only through a legal contract, I’m not interested in that. The contract, even if sanctioned by law, can easily be annulled.
The true guarantee of a lasting union isn’t the legal document, but the emotional bond formed through mutual love. Friendship bound by an emotional pact—this is the solid foundation of eternal affinity.”
He concludes his case with conviction:
— “To build a life on mutual friendship means eliminating from the start all the usual causes of divorce—character incompatibilities, quarrels, serious insults—none of which can be prevented by a formal document.”
Fears, freedom, and a touch of cynicism…
Fear of the unknown, numerous concerns, the charm of freedom—or perhaps even libertinism—make many turn back halfway through, just as they’re about to break free from their bachelor life.
A bachelor with an artistic soul, always seeking beauty, which must constantly take new forms, says:
— “Mon cher, I’d get married, because I feel certain matrimonial inclinations. But I dread boredom. Just think: a whole life, the same house, the same table, the same… wife. It’s dreadful.”
A romantic, when asked when he plans to join the ranks of married men and leave his world of dreams, exclaims with deep emotion:
— “I carry here (and he points to his heart) a treasure of refined feelings, which I would pour with utmost generosity onto the beloved, the only true companion of my thoughts. Why haven’t I done it yet? Maybe because I haven’t found someone who understands me—and whom I understand. It’s always been either one or the other.”
Family reasons, health, and bitterness…
Family reasons also count among the bachelors’ arguments, serving as a standing justification for their firm resistance to marriage.
More serious, of course, are the reasons of those who, carrying a destructive health issue—either inherited or acquired—refrain from marriage out of consideration. But this case is rare.
More sadly, there is one category among bachelors worth noting here. They are the “initiated in all the mysteries of life,” the so-called jaded ones, who avoid marriage on principle. They don’t want to offer their “name and crest” as a guarantee to future marital infidelities.
Usually, they fuel the anti-feminist movement with whatever energy they still have left.
A matter of timing…
In general, it’s noticeable that the “principles” guiding many bachelors are the result more of personal experiences than of unwavering convictions based on irrefutable arguments.
This splendid isolation in which they dwell gives them, indeed, the satisfaction of enjoying all the benefits of legitimate love—without its inconveniences. Hence their reluctance toward marriage.
But this mindset is so easily changed!
Its maintenance is not due to principles—but to something else entirely.
A former bachelor—one of the most committed—reflecting on himself, finds a single plausible explanation, and he seems entirely right:
— “You remain a bachelor only until the dazzling spark of two beautiful eyes crosses your path—those hypnotic eyes that wrap you in an irresistible charm, the force that has guided the destiny of mankind for centuries… and will continue to do so as long as humanity exists.”
Thus, the arguments of bachelors remain strong—until they are shattered by one single thing:
The woman they fall in love with.
Savin
1936, Amicul Tinerimii
LOVE, COURTSHIP, MARRIAGE
It may be that for some father or teacher, it’s not a usual thing to open up such a topic for discussion. People nowadays prefer to avoid speaking about matters so deeply connected to our conscience—matters that reach the very source of life.
Perhaps this is due to the belief that young people don’t need sound ideas about love and courtship—that they are already more than capable of responding to various feelings of affection, and all too often in ways that harm themselves and cause general sorrow. But even if that is true, it is not a reason to neglect or avoid this topic.
It should not be avoided, and the negligence of the older generation does not translate into restraint from the youth. It is always better for older people to bring guidance drawn from their experience—to build up, not to tear down.
It could also be that this avoidance stems from the belief that young people don’t understand the sanctity of marriage or the seriousness of courtship, and are prone to treat these subjects lightly or jokingly. We cannot deny that there are many young people for whom love is a trivial thing, something to be mocked, especially in relation to its social aspects.
These are usually individuals who have received a poor education and have grown up in an unsuitable environment. But this attitude does not reflect the majority of youth—and it usually disappears when the subject is approached with the seriousness and dignity it deserves. Ignorance can be transformed into understanding, and thoughtlessness into wisdom.
1936, Ziarul Dimineața
THE CURE FOR JEALOUSY
It seems that jealousy is a disease and, as such, it should be curable. At least this is the opinion of an English doctor—a “specialist in the jealous.”
“I have studied this problem thoroughly,” he says, “and I’ve found that jealousy manifests differently in men and women. A jealous woman is downcast, melancholic, perpetually dissatisfied, prone to tears, and sometimes experiences true fits of rage, more or less dangerous.”
Dr. X claims he can cure imaginary jealousy, but admits helplessness in the face of justified jealousy.
His treatment involves influencing the patient using gramophone records.
In the morning, the patient listens to the “energy record,” and in the afternoon, the “flattering record,” which praises the patient’s qualities and suggests that he or she is the most enviable person in the world.
“Let’s not forget,” he says, “that the falsely jealous are simply people with an inferiority complex—and this condition deserves to be treated, for it truly is a disease.”
Dr. X is pleased with the results, and his sanatorium gains new clients every day—especially women.
1937, Amicul Tinerimii
LOVE, COURTSHIP, MARRIAGE
I believe young people, along with their parents or concerned mentors, should openly discuss the ideals of mature manhood and womanhood, and help youth become familiar with such ideals.
One day, I was working outdoors with a young man of about eighteen—let’s call him John.
“Listen, John,” I said. “Have you thought about the kind of girl you’d like to marry? Of course, you don’t plan on marrying for a few years, but you should think about what kind of wife you’d want, so that when the time comes, you won’t be caught off guard.”
“Sure, I’ve thought about it,” John said. “Actually, I’ve thought about it a lot. I’ll tell you one thing: I like a cheerful girl. I can’t stand a gloomy, serious-faced one.”
“That’s good,” I replied sweetly, though I had my reservations, thinking of certain ‘cheerful’ girls in our neighborhood. “A pleasant, happy appearance is an important part of building a true home. And what else?”
“Well… I think she should know some music, have a good ear. If we ever go anywhere, it’d be nice if she could play piano well and had a beautiful voice.”
“I agree,” I said, recalling John’s music classes. “You want someone who appreciates the same kind of music as you. What are your goals? What kind of education should she have?”
“You know I want to become a doctor,” said John. “So I guess my girl should like those kinds of things, too—maybe be a nurse or even a doctor herself. What do you think?”
“That’d be wonderful!” I replied. “A nurse would be a great help to a doctor, who often knows little about proper patient care. Still, I’d advise you to take a caregiving course yourself before starting medical school. But remember—not every girl aiming for medicine is necessarily the best match for you.”
“What else?” I asked.
“I like a girl who knows how to dress well—not flashy, but tasteful. And if she does, I wouldn’t mind spending all my money on her clothes!”
“I’d agree,” I replied. “But if I were you, I’d look for a girl who not only knows how to dress well, but how to make her own clothes. These days, not every girl learns sewing, or even wants to.”
“Oh, I agree,” said John. “That’s easy for a smart guy like me. I know two girls who sew their own clothes—one’s pretty skilled, the other’s getting there.”
“And while you’re at it,” I added, “you should find out if they’re good cooks. You know, a busy doctor doesn’t get much sleep—and when he comes home, he wants to eat. But what if the bread is underbaked, the potatoes raw, the butter half-made, and the cake… doughy?”
“Oh, absolutely. She should be a good cook. That’s non-negotiable.”
“Keep your eyes open, John,” I advised. “Good cooks don’t grow by the roadside. And after you’re sure of all this—after you see whether these girls match your ideals—you must also remember that you have to become the kind of man worthy of such a wife. Maybe she’ll be just as demanding as you.”
And to you, young woman—I say: Not every young man is a true man. Not all have the strength for hard work, earning a living, financial wisdom, self-control, honesty, sincerity, and steadfastness—plus the ability to love with all their heart.
The Right Age for Courtship
So, when is the right age for courtship?
Young people should only marry when they’ve reached physical and mental maturity—enough to wisely choose a partner and become parents. Physically, this is around 25 years old, though individuals vary. Some mature before 20, others not until 30.
Generally, mental development follows physical maturity, though the best minds continue to develop through education and real-life experience.
Tastes evolve, judgment matures. When a couple marries before 20, it’s just luck if they still like each other later. Between 16–25, rapid changes occur in preferences and values. Young people owe it to themselves, their future children, and society to wait until they are mentally mature before making a lifelong decision.
That’s why marriage should not take place before 23–25 years of age.
And because engagement should be relatively short, courtship should begin after 20.
Still, age alone isn’t enough to determine readiness. Education and financial stability matter too.
Before marrying, a young man or woman should finish their formal education. School takes time, effort, and money—just like marriage. Marriage brings not only joy, but also responsibilities—financial and emotional. One becomes responsible not only for oneself, but also for the spouse, in sickness and in hardship. After marriage, life must be arranged not for one, but for two—or more, since children are expected.
Any attempt by married youth to artificially block the legitimate purpose of marriage—and the responsibilities that follow—leads inevitably to both physical and moral harm.
Those who marry must do so with the sincere and joyful expectation of becoming parents.
📰 1937, Dimineața Newspaper
Will Men Disappear?
Sensational Findings by an American Scientist
Dr. David Causey, a biology professor at the University of Arkansas, delivered a sensational lecture suggesting that our era marks a decisive trial for the fate of men. According to him, the decline of the male sex is merely a matter of time. The age of robust heroes who solved the world’s problems with their swords seems to have vanished forever.
Observing the past 25 years, we see developments that cause deep concern for the future. Today, men—once considered the masters of creation—are often cared for by female doctors, educated by female teachers, groomed by female hairdressers, treated by female dentists, employed by female industrialists, or governed by women.
Even in the animal kingdom, the male’s dominant position is increasingly threatened. Dr. Causey notes species where males are subordinate or even parasitic to females. For instance, in certain worms, the female can reach up to a meter in length, while the male measures only about 3 millimeters, living attached to the female’s body.
The most alarming observation is that in some species, males are entirely absent, with females reproducing without them for multiple generations. Dr. Causey warns that this could be a dire omen for the future of the human male.
📰 1937, Viitorul Newspaper – Women’s Column
Marriage Announcements…
Reading these matrimonial ads, one might wonder: do they truly unite two lives on the challenging path of human existence? Even if marriages result from such ads, couples often keep the origin of their meeting a secret.
I knew a couple who met through such an ad. Both were well-off civil servants, always well-dressed and smiling. However, they were dissatisfied with their life together. Each had to contribute to household expenses, leading to frequent arguments. The wife was accused of being stingy, and the husband was unwilling to make financial sacrifices. After a few years, they divorced, likely returning to the matrimonial ads.
While such cases might not be rare, the prevalence of these ads, especially abroad, suggests that some do find success. In Paris, for example, there’s a society called “La Lisière Verte” that organizes events for members to meet and consider marriage. However, many individuals, including older ones, publish ads seeking photos and details, and unfortunately, there are naive respondents who fall for them.
1938, Dimineața Newspaper
The Marriage Market – How Marriage Agencies Operate
In our modern age, everything, including love and marriage, has become commercialized. Gone are the days of traditional love stories leading to lasting marriages; now, matrimonial agencies play a significant role.
While such agencies have existed for some time, their organization and methods have evolved to meet modern demands. In Romania, these agencies haven’t reached the sophistication of their foreign counterparts, but they still conduct substantial business.
Abroad, especially in major cities, there are true “marriage markets” catering to various social classes. For instance, a man seeking a wife might visit an elegant villa in Paris, where he’s greeted by a well-dressed attendant and introduced to the agency’s director. After discussing his preferences, he’s shown photographs of potential matches. If interested, he’s invited to a tea event to meet the lady and her mother.
However, not all is as it seems. Many agencies employ actors and actresses to pose as potential matches, ensuring clients remain engaged and continue paying fees. These “figurants” are compensated for their time, and the cycle continues, often without leading to genuine matches.