Needs

1967, ROMÂNIA

1967 ROMÂNIA LIBERĂ

How Is a Family Built?
Unraveling the intimate springs of the “family atmosphere”

The need for certainty
Marriage – an expression of maturity, a possibility for the fulfillment of human personality
The solemnity of the marital commitment
Sources of conflict in a young marriage
The dominant pillar of family stability: the child
Are there scientific criteria for organizing a viable family?

By chance, during the days of this inquiry — which sought to uncover the intimate springs of the “family atmosphere” — I happened to meet two very young spouses at a moment of extreme tension. Pale and nervous, they had taken seats in the office of the president of the “Nicolae Bălcescu” district court, adversaries in a sad confrontation called a “conciliation session.”

Dezi and Nelu want to divorce.
He – 27 years old.
She – 22 years old.
Both are employed.

Marriage is considered an expression of maturity, a possibility for the completion of one’s personality. But what did they understand by marriage? They had a preconceived image of “the right person,” influenced by literature and films. When they met, they convinced themselves they were a perfect match. But reality proved otherwise. Just a few days after the wedding, conflicts began.

Where are the fruits of education? Biological maturity does not occur at the same time as psychological maturity.

The Expert’s Opinion
Dr. docent Traian Herseni, social psychologist:

“The main cause of divorce lies in the absence of an ethical climate and of public opinion strong enough to sustain marital responsibility.”

Adaptations to Everyday Life
The judge:

“Do you know what their quarrels sprang from?
From the fact that she wasn’t grateful for a pair of replacement heel caps on her shoes;
she didn’t make his coffee;
she left chores unfinished;
he refused to meet her friends…
All of them — minor reasons that can destroy a marriage lacking a common goal.”

The Voice of the Community
Florea Hossu, housewife:
„After five years without children, we grew bored and argued. Now, with six children, our family has meaning.”
Gheorghe Sava, mechanic:
„Children are the foundation of a family. With them, you don’t feel loneliness. I have nine children. Eight are married. The older ones helped the younger ones. We built a small community.”

The Paternal Instinct
Dr. Manicatide:
„Women who complain that their husbands are cold toward the children are, in fact, not passing on the emotion of motherhood.
I knew a father who, after the birth of two premature babies, became extremely involved.”

Family Psychology – Conclusions
Dr. Herseni:
„The stability of a family depends on the collective belief that it is an essential institution.
Advice is not enough. Young people need specialized education.
Family does not mean only love. It is the place where children are born and raised.”

The story of the two spouses remains undeveloped. Not because it was unimportant, but because it had no foundation.

_________________

1971, FEMEIA ALMANAC

From “Legal Brief”
Work and Motherhood
Labor legislation in our country pays special attention to the protection of motherhood, considering the essential role of women in the family and society. For this purpose, the Labor Code regulates a series of measures to ensure proper working conditions for pregnant women and mothers.
Pregnant women cannot be required to perform heavy, harmful, or dangerous work.
They cannot be moved to another workplace without their consent.
If, due to pregnancy, a woman can no longer perform her previous work, she has the right to lighter duties, with the average salary of the last three months maintained.
Maternity leave is 112 calendar days, of which at least 56 days must be taken after birth. During this leave, the employee receives an allowance equal to 100% of her basic salary.

A woman cannot be dismissed either during maternity leave or during pregnancy, if the employer has been informed.
After the end of maternity leave, the mother has the right to childcare leave until the child reaches the age of 1 year, with her job and length of service preserved. For this period, a monthly allowance may be granted, according to the law.
For breastfeeding women, the law provides:
Two one-hour breaks per day, without any reduction in salary;
At the employee’s request, these breaks may be combined at the beginning or end of the work schedule.
To support mothers, especially in urban and industrial areas, nurseries and kindergartens are available. In rural areas, the network of child care institutions is being developed.

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE FAMILY EMOTIONAL CLIMATE
The family is the child’s first living community, where he or she begins to develop physically and mentally. The family’s emotional climate has a decisive influence on the formation of the child’s personality.

In an environment full of love, understanding, and security, the child:
–  Develops harmoniously

• Gains confidence in themselves and in others
•  Becomes receptive and sociable

In contrast, an environment marked by:
–  Frequent quarrels

•  Lack of communication
•  Verbal or physical aggression
  …can lead to anxiety, isolation, lack of initiative, or, on the contrary, aggressive behavior. These traits affect the child’s ability to adapt in group settings such as kindergarten, school, and social life.

The Role of Parents
It is important for parents to:
Show genuine interest in the child’s problems
Provide a balanced and affectionate living environment
Encourage and appreciate efforts instead of punishing
Corporal punishment and insults do NOT discipline — they generate frustration and inner revolt.
A more effective approach is one of understanding, supported by firm but fair discipline.

Parental Cohesion – An Essential Model
A child who sees that their parents:
Respect each other
Support each other
…will learn, in turn, to respect family values. The parental model plays an essential role in the child’s moral education.

___________________

1972, WOMAN’S MAGAZINE
From the article “The Desired Relationship”

1. How do you imagine the ideal husband?
2. What could exasperate you?
3. Can men be shaped?

Gabriela Adoc, sculptor
A man devoted to his family, honest, fair — but let’s not idealize in the romantic sense of the word.
I am a very calm person, and it’s hard for something to exasperate me.
Tamed, you mean? It is a natural necessity, but not a one-sided one. Family harmony involves mutual taming.

Sanda Toma, actress
How do you imagine heaven or hell? In “n” or “x” ways. Does any of them match reality? No, because however much and in whatever way we imagine them — they do not exist. Therefore, I don’t imagine either the ideal man or the ideal woman.
With indifference, with unjustified bad moods, with excesses, but especially with shortcomings: lack of punctuality, lack of one’s word, lack of trust, lack of respect, and… lack of being home.
In theory, yes. That is why all lovers hope that after the wedding everything will be different. And — indeed — everything is different.
In practice, in happy cases, both change gradually, imperceptibly, on the principle of “I adjust to him and vice versa.”
But in most cases, popular wisdom prevails:
“A nature’s habit has no cure”
“Might makes right”
“A bowed head the sword does not cut”
“Sweet words bring much”
“One flower does not make spring”
“Since night is a good advisor, be patient, hope, and wait”

Irina Ioanițiu Stan, doctor, specialist at Filantropia maternity
A rara avis! I think it is not wise to chase after chimeras and create for ourselves an image of the ideal husband which, by comparison, becomes an irritating thorn.
With impoliteness.
Even in a rock, over time, drop by drop leaves its mark. So — patience.
Shaping should begin in childhood and be sustained throughout life.

Engineer Maria Bucurescu, head of the Bucharest television station
Even men of letters have not dared to imagine the ideal solution.
But I, who use only a few letters from the beginning of the alphabet, plus a few Greek symbols?
Still, with these and some numbers, we “solve” problems.
The ideal solution? Electronic robots.
For now, we do not have them at our disposal, but even if we did, I would not advise you to consult them.

1973, SCÂNTEIA TINERETULUI

Work, Family, Morality
by Mihail Pișcoci

The act of forming a family, the starting point of a lifelong partnership, is often prepared under signs other than that of love. Subjected to a crossfire of mentalities, fed advice of all kinds from unexpected sources — most often offered without ill intent — some young people still do not achieve the best results.
Today we publish further opinions on this topic:

It is a commonplace that humanity, as a species, is produced through work. The individual, however, is not a given, and the adult capable of work is not his own product, but the result of a complex social process that shapes innate potential and acquired traits.

The family is the fundamental institution in which — and through which — the adult generations do or do not realize the moral value of work in the process of educating the younger generation.

Even under socialism, the family remains the main space of intergenerational relations. Here the foundations of the future citizen are laid. Here is where the person is shaped — or missed — who will make work a moral goal in life, and humanity the supreme purpose of personal happiness.

Looking at the family in the present stage, a paradoxical situation is evident: part of the adult generation does not fulfill themselves through work as moral beings. If at the workplace they prove their creativity, in the family they become abstract, applying the rule: “I work with my hands so that you can become a gentleman.”

This separation has social consequences. For this category, the moral value of work is not achieved. Parents do not see themselves in their children as people fulfilled through work. Thus, the act of working becomes detached from its natural process, which necessarily involves the family and the preparation of the younger generation for life.

The result is equally paradoxical: members of the younger generation, coming even from the working class or peasantry, end up rejecting work. Deprived within the family of an education in the value of work, young people lose their connection with its deeper meaning.

A childish mentality, lacking the moral dimension of work, reverses its meaning. There emerges the bravado: “The parents have money, the boy has a tie and a girlfriend,” which masks parasitism and emotional drift. The young man no longer associates work with personal achievement.

Of course, the development of the material base of socialist society objectively determines the quantity of goods and services available. But man is not a given; he is a continuous becoming. He is not an object, but a subject. In socialism, he must subordinate economic laws — transforming them into a means, not an end.

Failing to realize the moral value of work within the family, in the relationship between generations, means generating a harm with incalculable consequences. If an 18-year-old seeks fulfillment and happiness, then love and the forming of a new family must be closely linked to work as a form of moral creativity.

Society is a creation of generations, one from another. In this evolution, the moral value of work must become law — the foundation of relations between the sexes and between generations. For this value does not arise spontaneously; it must be cultivated through moral education — first in the family, then in the whole of society.

To morally shape the young generation means to harmonize youthful affectivity with work. The two must merge in a social and moral educational process in which both educator and educated together become subjects of social construction, alongside the Party.

This is the work of generations. And accomplishing it — step by step, but consistently — will, in time, lead to the eradication of individual egoism, even in those families where the value of work is still not reflected in the relationships between parents and children.

1974, WOMAN’S MAGAZINE

Do You Really Know Your Husband?

TEST

The question may surprise you: do you truly know the man you married? You may think, “Of course I know him — he’s like this or that.” But are you really that sure?

Have him take this game-test and you might discover you are living with a lion disguised as a lamb — which could be admirable — or a lamb disguised as a lion, which might still be interesting; or perhaps a lion-lamb mix, which is practical, but rather ordinary.

Encourage your husband to give only sincere answers. Otherwise, his answers could turn against you. Each question on its own does not indicate a specific character trait. The analysis is based on the overall pattern. And since this test is just a game, he should answer freely, marking YES or NO, even to questions that don’t apply directly to him.

A — Do you consider good humor to be an important quality in a wife?
B — Do you admit (and openly say) that the work of a wife and mother is just as hard as your own?
C — Do you find it natural to tell your wife about your work, but get bored when she does the same?
D — Does being happy in your marriage make it easier for you to face life’s hardships?
E — When you’re at home, do you dread the sound of the telephone?
F — Do you try to understand the reasons behind your wife’s reactions?
G — Or do you judge her only by appearances?
H — When you read a book, do you make notes in the margins?
I — On vacation, do you prefer well-trodden routes or the less-traveled, more charming paths?
J — Do you believe love keeps its freshness in marriage if the woman makes an effort to always be “different”?
K — Do you think it’s part of life’s discipline to ask your wife to keep an up-to-date record of expenses?
L — Women enjoy “the little pleasures of life.” Do you truly try to contribute to them?
M — When your wife is away, do you take the opportunity to rest or have as much fun as possible (even though you could do so at home)?
N — Do you think it’s natural, for any important step in your life, to consult your wife, find out what she can do, what she wants, and what she can contribute?
O — Do you enjoy having long discussions with your wife about all sorts of topics?
P — Do you have old, close friends of your own?
R — Do you think a wife values a man most when he fulfills his role as guide and protector?

Now, dear readers, let’s analyze your husband’s answers.

If he answered YES to: A, B, C, D, F, P, J, L, R, O
and NO to: E, G, H, M, K, N, P, H, I
He belongs to Type I:
A courageous, active man, strict with himself but also full of goodwill and understanding toward others — especially toward his wife and family members. Loyal, fair, and a true “head of the family”: not authoritarian, but a warm center, respected yet only slightly feared. A man pleasant to live with, who values beauty, peace, gentleness, and well-done things. He needs understanding and affection, and he enjoys quietly giving happiness to others.

If he answered YES to: B, E, M, D, J, K, R
and NO to: A, C, F, G, L, N, O, P, H, I
He is a fair husband, a good friend, hardworking, calm, and somewhat indifferent by nature. Very focused on himself, he gives little attention to the “minor” details of daily life. In essential moments, however, he reacts quickly and intelligently. A man with whom any reasonable woman can get along. Attentive, he tries to understand his wife and knows how to say the words that please her. He is a good father.

If he answered YES to 5–6 letters from Type I
and NO to 5–6 letters from Type II,
he belongs partly to both, with dominant traits combined.

Other possible interpretations:
YES to: A, E, F, G, H, J — shows courage, ambition, and a tendency toward intelligent leadership
NO to: M, G, H, K, N, O, P — indicates sensitivity, but also emotional restlessness
YES to: P, L, B, R — a sign of passion and exclusivity, but also understanding of feminine concerns

_______________

1974, THE WOMAN

Young Married Couples
by Madeleine Măcănescu Georgescu
Doctor of Medicine, Senior Endocrinology Specialist

It had been a wedding to remember. The next day, the young newlyweds — she 18, he 22 — left to spend a few days together in the mountains. The days passed quickly, but not as happily as one might have hoped. They returned sad and downcast. She went home to her mother in tears, saying her husband had not behaved like a real man. Hurt in their pride and affection, the parents took her back. A marriage ruined in its first days.

The young man had led a disciplined life, working in a factory and studying in evening classes. He had had no time for leisure, nor for meeting girls. Like any serious young man, he decided to find a decent, capable wife — which he did. But on the wedding night, the emotion of that first encounter stifled his drive. He felt almost paralyzed. In the days that followed, reading reproach and indignation in his bride’s eyes, he was overcome by fear. He avoided approaching her again. In the end, they stopped speaking altogether.

Not understanding what was happening, discouraged and ashamed, the young man went to the doctor. The doctor listened attentively, examined him, and finally said simply: “You are perfectly healthy. The illness you suffer from is called never having begun. The fault lies with both of you.”

With him — because he had taken an important step in life without preparing himself seriously, without realizing that marriage requires, for a man, a minimum of knowledge about intimate relations.
With her — because, as a girl still becoming a woman, she did not understand her role. She did not know she had to be at her husband’s side, to support him, to help him regain confidence in himself.

Shyness, emotional withdrawal, inhibitions, parental interference, and lack of information led to this outcome. Advice would have been useful, but not afterward — before marriage.

Marriages like this — begun with love, a home, and steady jobs — often fall apart after a year or two. Mutual trust is lacking. Small misunderstandings deepen, and physical closeness disappears. Going home, she cries in silence. He remains with his thoughts of promises, guilt, mistakes, and, eventually, resignation.

The situation can become almost pathological, especially if, in the family, the idea of a “real husband” is tied to a rigid, unforgiving image in which weakness is not tolerated. Trust has been wounded. No one knew — or tried — to rebuild harmony. Yet the harmony that seems so natural in happy couples is in fact the result of daily effort, patience, and will. Each day is a calm reconstruction of feelings and communication. Anything can be restored, even a day of failure, with a kind word and a bit of giving.

Another case: D.S., married for several years, strongly wished for a child. They went to the doctor together. To the husband’s surprise, the consultation revealed that the marriage had never been consummated. The wife was still untouched, even on the first day of marriage.

Life together had become a formality. Either too sensitive or too resentful, the two had stopped all physical intimacy. Though they loved each other, they lived as brother and sister. They shared the same bed, but without closeness. One day, when he came home from work, she calmly said: “I’m not interested. I no longer trust you. I no longer feel anything.”

It was not hatred. It was silence.

Until then, neither of them had realized how important physical intimacy is for the stability of a marriage. After appropriate gynecological treatment, things changed. The success was complete.

______________

1977, PARENTS’ ALMANAC

From Romance to Marriage

1977, PARENTS’ ALMANAC
From Romance to Marriage
by Aug. Macarie

The romance began in the last weeks of their senior year of high school. One day, I found them sitting together at the same desk, although the boy’s seat was near the door and the girl’s seat was in the last row of the middle section. Naturally, I asked them to return to their seats. The boy stood up with a superior smile — perhaps wanting to show he had accepted the “risks” of a great love — and walked back to his desk, while their classmates, suddenly amused, laughed loudly.

Their “attempt” to sit together was meant, I believe, as a kind of public debut, a way of declaring their mutual feelings… But the gesture — so proud and demonstrative in intent — was laughably ordinary.

It seems the romance made a leap forward at the graduation banquet: they were inseparable. In truth, they suited each other — both sensitive, both tall, both attractive; he, a bit quick-tempered and combative; she, calm and serene, like the still waters of Eminescu’s forest lakes.

Unfortunately, they hit the hurdle of higher education. The boy began working, the girl returned to her parents in the provinces. The love remained.

One day, I got a phone call from the girl’s sister. There’s no need to recount the entire conversation, nor to dwell on its twists and turns, since it contained only one important element: the girl had run away from home!

By chance, a few days later, on my way to school, I met the boy, accompanied by his best friend. One look into his eyes was enough to know he was aware of the girl’s disappearance.

Again, there’s no need to repeat our entire conversation. I’ll just recall some of the questions I asked him:
Was she or was she not his girl — a good girl, worthy of respect?
Was she or was she not in a difficult, delicate situation?
Did he or did he not consider himself responsible for her situation?
Did he believe a girl could ever forget that, in a decisive moment, the man she loved chose to ask himself a hundred questions instead of standing beside her like a man?

My former student answered honorably to all the questions — except the last, which left him at a loss. He stood frozen for a few minutes. Then his eyes lit up with determination. He thanked me for this “life lesson,” and we parted.

A few days later, my doorbell rang: my two former students had come to seek my advice — though their decision was already made: to marry, despite all obstacles. And there were plenty, especially from his parents, who believed their son’s life would be ruined…

In truth, they argued — and I admit that in general the point was valid — that their son should finish his studies, graduate from university, and only then take on the responsibilities of a family. Until then — with a curious and selfish “logic” — the young couple should remain “friends.” But such a “friendship” was unacceptable to either of them, especially since they believed they could live on their own earnings and, if they succeeded, even attend university as a married couple.

In the end, against his parents’ wishes, they married — and they are happy.

Author’s Commentary
The “story” itself would not have justified writing it down, had it not raised certain questions I would be glad to see readers of the Parents’ Almanac reflect upon.

The first concerns the institution of marriage. In today’s context, with the generalization of high school education and the increasing number of students, the age of social and civic responsibility — the capacity to found and support a family — seems to be at odds with physiological maturity. Doctors worldwide say young people reach sexual maturity earlier than in the past. In such circumstances, can we categorically reject the idea of young people marrying sooner, even before completing their professional training? I think we can expect more attentiveness from parents toward this delicate issue.

The second concerns the attitude of “modern” girls — those for whom cigarettes, brandy, restaurants, and fashion have become primary interests.

It seems that boys who “have fun” with such “modern” girls, when it comes to marriage, become serious and seek respectable girls — ones who don’t drink, don’t smoke, and don’t spend all day at the mirror. But there are also young men who get to know a good girl early on, in school or university, and want to marry her. This is exactly what the boy’s parents in our story failed to understand!

Read each question carefully and mark with an X the answers that apply to you.

VERSION 1 (for the wife)
Do you believe your husband should earn more than you, even if his work is less skilled?
Do you think that in difficult situations a man is more logical than a woman?
Should your husband’s social role (political, professional, etc.) always be more important than social life?
Does your husband lose prestige in your eyes if he lets you lead?
Is it important to you that your husband be more enterprising, with broader culture and deeper judgment?
Do you believe a man is more rational than a woman when it comes to solving work-related problems?
Is it preferable for the husband to be the head of the family?
Does a man lose authority if he expresses to his wife his dissatisfactions, wishes, or weaknesses?
Are you sometimes bothered by your husband’s tone or air of superiority?
Do you think your husband cares about how his wife dresses?

VERSION 2 (for the husband)
Would it bother you if your wife earned more than you?
Do you believe that when marrying, the wife should contribute more material goods?
Is it very important that your wife be feminine and practical?
Do you think your wife’s professional success could alienate her from family duties?
Is it preferable for you to maintain your role as head of the family?
Do you believe your wife, in general, should not make important life decisions?
Is it preferable for you to decide on financial matters?
Do you believe your wife should remain exclusively responsible for household duties?
Do you think that if your wife openly expresses dissatisfaction with you, you lose masculine charm?
Do you think a fair-minded wife often exerts a formidable influence?
Do you believe an independent wife is preferable?
Do you think a man should tolerate his wife’s opinion?
Does it bother you if your wife dresses carelessly at home?
Are you unpleasantly affected by her manner of speaking (or strident diction) or her gestures when she talks?

Comments and Interpretation
After completing the test, count your YES answers and separate the NO answers.
If you have 11 NO answers → you have a well-structured personality, in line with modern requirements.
8–10 NO answers → you still have some attitudes to revise in favor of current views on family relationships.
6–7 NO answers → you find it rather difficult to adapt to new types of relationships.
Fewer than 5 NO answers → it’s time to review your views and behavior. This is a warning signal. Try to reflect and make real efforts toward change. It depends entirely on you.

1983, PARENTS’ ALMANAC

The Family – The Model Cell of New Social Relations
by Associate Professor Dr. M. Maria

If we all agree that science plays a decisive role in developing production, we must also accept that it plays an essential role in shaping social behavior. We must place all our activities and efforts on a scientific, conceptual foundation, allowing for a common language and dialogue.

Before institutionalized education — and not only in the chronological sense — the family holds an essential role, as a second “home” with major formative influence. The beliefs, habits, and examples acquired in the family environment extend throughout all stages of life. They can either enrich or distort the social environment.

Often, parents are unaware of the impact of their own behavior on their children. Recognizing and assuming the family’s educational role has today become a broad subject of reflection and scientific research. A detailed examination is needed of the influence of these factors in shaping society, interpersonal relationships, models of conduct, feelings, thinking, and all human activity.

The family, founded on the free consent of both spouses, must remain the essential environment for forming personality. Attitudes toward work, community, homeland, and equal rights and responsibilities between parents — all confirm that the family is and will remain the basic cell of society, a factor of balance and stability, and a pillar supporting moral and social values.

The issue of women, as an integral part of society, cannot be addressed separately from the reality of family life. Without a change in attitude toward women in all areas of life, including within the family, there can be no genuine progress. Any form of restriction on a woman’s personality becomes an obstacle to development.

Education is not limited to individual awareness or to what formal schooling can offer. It requires sustained, coherent action that affirms the dignity of every individual, especially of young people and women.
For years, there has been discussion about education for civilized behavior — in the family, in school, and in the workplace. This effort must continue and expand. New measures are needed in civic and moral education to strengthen awareness and to foster a scientific outlook on the world and on life.

The human and collective model must not be left to chance. The example set by parents, the moral authority of teachers, the behavior of every adult in front of young people — all have undeniable formative value. Jean Jaurès once said:
“No one is wise while alive, and until you begin what he is, you do not begin what you are.”

The most convincing lesson is a life lived with awareness.

For educators, education begins with self-education. You cannot be a good educator unless you are a lifelong learner. By understanding psychological and behavioral traits, you can pass on knowledge and values in a meaningful way.

In today’s fast-paced society, it is clear that family and school must work together to support the deep transformation of social life. The family is not only important — it is essential in lifelong education.

In a world where modern means of work can isolate the individual, the family remains the nucleus of balance between economic development and human relationships. It mediates the tensions between life lived in solitude and life lived in harmony with others.
The family plays a decisive role in improving social relations, in shaping norms and models of behavior. Education offered within the family, and carried into public life, provides guiding standards for future generations.

The appreciation of moral, social, and ideological values is not possible without a profound education.
The attitude of the child, as well as of the woman in society, reflects the level of consciousness of the era. And where there are gaps, they must be addressed through support, education, and dialogue.
Old mentalities remain deeply rooted. They manifest especially within the couple — between husband and wife — and often do not align with the family’s new role in modern society.

The family must be an institution in which mutual understanding, support, respect for work, and genuine concern for the education and health of children prevail.

1983, FLACĂRA IAȘULUI
The Danger of Induced Abortion
Protecting Mother and Child

The protection of mothers and children enjoys special attention from our Party and state leadership. This is reflected in reality through the doubling of the number of beds in obstetrics and gynecology wards, the expansion of nursery places, and the substantial increase in funds allocated for child allowances and family aid.

Motherhood brings countless joys. It strengthens family life and consolidates the home. Moreover, pregnancy has beneficial effects on the body: respiratory and circulatory functions are stimulated, and the endocrine glands and nervous system work at a new rhythm, promoting overall balance.

Family life presupposes, first and foremost, the presence of the woman-mother, who naturally fulfills her essential role, investing energy, patience, and affection in her children. This role offers her a profound sense of fulfillment.

Given these realities, proper medical supervision of the pregnant woman is necessary so that the pregnancy evolves normally, and childbirth results in a healthy baby who develops harmoniously.

Unfortunately, a significant number of pregnancies end prematurely, either as spontaneous miscarriages or premature births. The causes of miscarriage are multiple — from disorders in the mother’s body to neglect of basic hygiene rules. These are usually discussed and prevented in prenatal consultation clinics.

However, there are also induced abortions performed outside the legal framework, often by the woman herself or by unauthorized persons. These empirical and dangerous methods can cause serious, sometimes fatal, complications.

The most dangerous immediate effects include:

• Oleander poisoning, which can cause severe kidney damage and acute renal failure
• Septicemia shortly after an infected abortion, with rapid progression and often fatal outcome

Beyond immediate complications, the long-term effects of abortion can impact a woman’s health for years. The most common are:

• Chronic inflammation of the reproductive organs (metritis, adnexitis, pelvic cellulitis), with painful symptoms, abnormal discharge, and menstrual irregularities
  These conditions often create tension in married life, being perceived as a form of disability.
• Closely linked to chronic inflammation is secondary infertility: the woman wishes to become pregnant but is no longer able to. This is a difficult condition to treat and profoundly affects the couple’s stability.

An induced abortion outside medical care carries major risks. It can lead to prolonged suffering and, in some cases, to the woman’s death.

1983, UNIVERSUL FAMILIEI
The Young Family – A Couple in Search of Itself
What do we place, now, on the threshold of the third millennium, at the foundations of the basic cell of society?
HIM and HER…

They stand before the registrar, ready to take the most hopeful step of their lives: marriage.
Perhaps, in the entire procession celebrating their union with exuberance, they are the most solemn beings present.

In their solemnity, they carry a certain grandeur known only to those who have the strength and the foundation to embark on a creation of their own. They carry love in their hearts — quivering with uncertainties and shimmering with hope. They carry the immense, natural thirst for happiness.

SHE and HE…
On the threshold of the third millennium, on the step of their own time, they reproduce that age-old couple who endlessly renews the world’s lullaby. A dynamic universe, in a stirring search for self, constantly sowing life, morality, and politics — against a backdrop of emotional and social demands elevated to the level of a condition for living.

The Ideal of Marriage – The Ideal of Family
They stood with their heads bowed. Ashamed. They were neither the first nor the last young couple to part ways just months after receiving well-wishes and flowers at the registry office.
The embarrassment was deep. The reason — however justified — brought no reconciliation.
“That’s where the judge should have stepped in…,” she murmured softly.
“We rushed into it, we were unprepared, we started on a new path while being completely different.”
He spoke more firmly:
“Maybe we would have stayed together if…”
Silence fell. The judge waited for an answer.

A month later, a kindergarten director from the Constanța Patriarhiei neighborhood told us about the hardships some children face when their parents separate.
We later met the young woman at a family counseling session. We asked her if she now had a clearer image of what marriage meant.

Family life is not only the relationship between the spouses. It is also the relationship of both parents with their children. Each family has its own way of organizing life, but this should align as closely as possible with the general norms of social coexistence.

Raising the new generation — as a task for our entire lives — cannot be left to chance.
Young people spend years preparing for a profession, but not for an essential social role: life as a couple.

Everyone has an image of marriage — a set of norms, gestures, behaviors, preferences, and attitudes. All of these are shaped by education and by the environment in which one grows up.

In shaping the ideal of life together, the role of family and social environment is decisive. If this ideal is not updated, imbalances can appear:
“Do you believe that married life is unaffected by the career of one spouse?”
“They came from different worlds” — a diagnosis often heard when facing failure.

In reality, it all comes down to education and preparation for family life. Just as society invests in professional training, it must also invest in the emotional, relational, and family education of young people.

1990, TINERETUL LIBER

Marriage (a possible course in sexual psychology)

For the female partner, psychological arousal takes on particular nuances. A young woman wants to feel loved, she wants proof of tenderness; a pleasant sensation of pleasure develops progressively, with tact and affection. Affection, notes B. Muldower, is “the awareness of the need for the other, the internalization of the need for the other in the sexual relationship.”

Co-activation, co-participation.

We believe that only through this specifically human quality — affection — can heterosexual intimacy between two people rise from the physiological level to the emotional level. Beyond the experience of pleasure, its essential function lies in its ability to establish — on an emotional plane — an intimate bond.

On another level, co-activation is established as a factor of conscious attitude, indispensable for any action that legitimizes the sexual relationship.
As in the past, caresses and warm words serve as expressions of emotional inclinations which, in the context of preliminary erotic play, acquire the character of sexual symbols. The element of emotional understanding operates in the training and differentiation of signals of attraction and seduction.

A certain degree of willpower development is assumed. The unity of desire, erotic function, and eroticism has an emotional structure, with psychological causality, mediating the normal development of the sexual relationship.
This transitional erotic play is, in fact, the desire for human closeness, together with the progressive broadening of sexual communication. This communicative function represents the beginning of the sexual act proper.

It is the woman who, in this case, authorizes her partner to engage in the erotic act. It should be understood that the sexual act is, more often than not, the emotional responsibility of the woman, whose main artisans — here referring especially to caresses — begin at the physiological level and rise to the emotional.

It is an “act of emotional knowing,” an “opening of the emotions” (V. Săhleanu). Rhythmic movements and the adoption of suitable positions decisively contribute to achieving a “paroxysmal exaltation of pleasure” (V. Săhleanu).

The intensity can be reached and adjusted according to the woman’s receptivity. As V. Săhleanu notes, “by her nature, the woman sexualizes her own self… in this progression, an erotic act becomes all the more valid the more it aligns with the woman’s desire to initiate the relationship, rather than that of the male partner.”

In other words, the male partner’s responsiveness to the woman’s approach expresses genuine erotic giving. Some researchers claim that the female orgasm is more complex. Many sexologists do not insist on a specific duration for the male orgasm but instead focus on achieving the female orgasm. According to Kinseyan statistics cited by V. Săhleanu, only one-third of women reach orgasm in the first three minutes, while for two-thirds it does not occur if the sexual act lasts less than 10–15 minutes.

A kiss, a caress, a tender word
The post-orgasmic stage (or postlude) should never be ignored. At this point, writes E. Havelock, a man’s erotic culture is tested. He alone is able to prolong the state of pleasure and relaxation, the emotions accompanying the experience of the act.
A kiss, a caress, a tender word — these are enough. It is an unforgivable mistake for a man, after intercourse, to turn his back contentedly and fall asleep.

Ending forms of emotional communication means ignoring the partner’s most important attitudes and destroying a sexual ideal.
It is a state of advanced eroticism as an expression of emotional communion, not just physical. When partners belong to each other not only through sexual function but through emotional dominance — where the experience of the sexual act merges with the experience of feeling and of the couple’s shared ideal.

Psychologist
Alexandru Gheorgescu

1993, Tineretul Liber
How Do You Prepare for Love?

How do you prepare for love?
Do you know when you are “on the same wavelength” with your partner?
“He came home, rather late, from work. Robert G. was surprised to find his wife, Susy, in her new evening dress. She kissed him with particular tenderness and announced that she had prepared a delicious dinner with his favorite dishes. On the impeccably set dining table, two candles were burning…”

1993, TINERETUL LIBER
How Do You Prepare for Love?
Do you know when you are “on the same wavelength” with your partner?
Coming home rather late from work, Robert G. was surprised to find his wife, Susy, in her new evening dress. She kissed him with particular tenderness and announced that she had prepared a delicious dinner with his favorite dishes. On the impeccably set dining table, two candles were burning. Everything was ready, in perfect harmony, to mark an exceptional evening.
Robert, instead of being delighted, reacted with irritation — abrupt, grumpy…

One evening, Ecaterina P. told her husband, Paul, that she would like to go to bed earlier with him. Paul, understanding, simply said “good night” and sat down in front of the television.

The next morning, Ecaterina asked:
— Didn’t you understand what I meant?
What would you have understood?

Specialists say that the art of preparing and sustaining sexual communication within a couple is essential.

A psychological counselor explained:
“Sexuality is not just instinctual sensitivity. Each person approaches it in their own way, in a state of mind that does not always match the other’s. What matters is how the bridge is built between the two, how the harmonious balance is found between desire and each one’s needs.”

One wife confessed:
“Sometimes, I just can’t express the desire to make love. I feel a barrier inside me.”

This is a common confession among women who cannot verbalize desire. A lack of true harmony in the couple can lead to disagreements and frustrations.

That’s why many people don’t know “how to make love” in the true sense of the word. Love must be learned, cultivated, expressed — not left to fall into routine.

Advice for Your Young Wife
– Love him. This is not about a clingy, possessive feeling, but a calm, deep affection expressed through attitudes and gestures.
– Appreciate him. Admire him in front of relatives and friends. He needs to know that you respect him.
– Compliment him. His qualities are still there; you just need to bring them to light.
– Don’t criticize him in front of others. There’s a big difference between correcting and humiliating.
– Encourage him. Show that you trust him, especially when he faces difficulties.
– Be attentive to his moods. After a hard day, don’t start with reproaches. Offer peace.
– Don’t go to bed angry. Talk, forgive, love. Peace is more important than victory in an argument.

“When two spouses do not forgive, it is as if they themselves are tearing down their own happiness.”

1993, TINERETUL LIBER
Advice for Your Young Wife

First of all, love him. This is not about a syrupy, possessive feeling that demands his constant attention, but a calm, deep affection expressed in all your attitudes and actions.
Appreciate him. Your husband wants to know that he is appreciated, that he is the one you respect. In fact, he does everything for you. He may not be “Mr. Fix-It” around the house, but when he puts up shelves in the pantry or repairs the children’s toys, do you praise him? Admire him in front of relatives and friends, and even in front of strangers.
Compliment him — as often as possible. Do you still remember all the qualities you admired before marriage? They still exist! They just need you to bring them back into the light. Focus on his good sides and minimize the rest.
Never criticize or belittle him in front of others! Of course, we all make mistakes, but there is a great difference between correcting a fault and humiliating someone in public.
Encourage him. You must trust what he does and show him that you do. There are so many things that can discourage him! If he has made a mistake, don’t crush him with reproaches. Encourage him to try again. Your trust in him will also give him confidence in himself.
Be attentive to his moods. When he is troubled by an important decision or is down because of work problems, it’s not the moment to mention that beautiful fur coat in the shop window. Instead, suggest a quiet dinner. Offer him time and warmth — essentials in a home.
Don’t go to bed angry. Talk, forgive, and love. Don’t cling to pride. When two spouses do not forgive, it is as if they are destroying with their own hands what they have built together.

“The purpose of forgiveness is to bring peace and harmony into the marriage — not to claim a victory.”

—————

1996, MODERN WOMAN
Can the Erotic Biorhythm Be Trained?
It is clear that in erotic behavior there are fluctuations in intensity. There are periods of stronger sexual attraction and others when sexual interest decreases. When these periods align within the couple, sexual harmony is guaranteed. When they don’t, difficulties can arise.

Can we talk about an erotic biorhythm?
More and more often, people discuss the existence of a sexual biorhythm — an individual cycle of erotic desire. Some partners have a shorter rhythm, others a longer one. The secret of a balanced relationship is not imposing a standard “normal,” but adapting and synchronizing according to each person’s real needs.

Communication — the key to synchronization
It is important to know and accept each other. There is no “correct” frequency for sexual desire. Every couple discovers its own rhythm, in which both partners feel comfortable. And this rhythm is maintained through honest communication, without shame or judgment.

Intimate clocks can be adjusted
A positive emotional climate between partners helps synchronize erotic biorhythms. When there is trust, respect, and emotional closeness, desires tend to align. On the other hand, misunderstandings, stress, or lack of affection can cause mismatches and sexual dissatisfaction.

How to relate to desire
There is no need to panic over natural variations in desire — they are absolutely normal.
What matters is how we understand them, manage them, and stay connected — even when rhythms differ, as long as the shared intention is to keep love alive.

Maria Șerban Predescu

________________

1996, MODERN WOMAN
Is Sexual Experience Necessary Before Marriage?
“Is it wrong to have sexual experience before marriage?”
“What does too early mean?”
“Does it matter with whom?”
— these are questions that often come up in young people’s and teenagers’ conversations about sexuality.

Pressure, curiosity, confusion
Today, when information is easily accessible but temptations are greater than ever, young people are often pressured to decide quickly, without fully understanding the implications of an intimate relationship.
Mass media models often promote a precocious and casual image of sexuality.

Choice or mistake?
Sexual experience before marriage is not, in itself, a mistake — but it can become one if treated superficially, without responsibility, without respect for oneself or the other person.
A sexual relationship should be the result of a conscious and deliberate choice, not a moment of impulsiveness.

For girls, the impact can be stronger
Without mutual understanding, trust, and emotional balance, the first experience can leave painful marks.
Especially for girls, the first intimate contact carries a powerful emotional weight, which can influence self-confidence and trust in others.

Fear is not a solution either
On the other hand, postponing intimacy only out of fear, shame, or prejudice is not a solution.
Sexuality should not be lived with guilt, but understood and embraced in the context of a healthy, meaningful relationship.

The timing matters less than the context
It’s not the timing that’s most important, but the maturity, meaning, and quality of the relationship in which that experience is lived.
A mature, desired, and deliberate intimate relationship can strengthen a bond.
A negative, rushed, or forced one can break trust and cause confusion.

Valentina Teclici

1997, MODERN WOMAN
Marital Harmony and the Ability to Communicate

A couple cannot function harmoniously without genuine communication.
It’s not just about talking to each other, but about listening, understanding beyond words, and empathizing with the partner’s feelings.
Marital harmony does not mean the absence of conflict, but the ability to manage it maturely and affectionately.

Many partners live together for years without truly saying what they feel. They repress frustrations, hide behind routine, and over time the distance between them grows.
Communication in a happy couple is not just about discussing problems, but also sharing joys, dreams, and fears.
“I feel misunderstood” is, in fact, one of the most common reasons for crisis in a relationship.

Differences between sexes and emotional language
The differences between men and women are often reflected in communication styles.
A woman feels the need for detail and emotional dialogue, while a man may be more concise and fact-oriented.
Learning the other person’s emotional language is an essential step toward harmony.

Psychologists say that when one partner has the courage to sincerely express emotional needs, without reproach or aggression, the other responds with openness.
But this courage can only be learned in couples where there is trust, respect, and space for vulnerability.

Real communication means:
– saying what you feel without hurting
– listening to the other without judging
– seeking solutions together, not blame

“To be understood” is one of the deepest forms of love.

In conclusion, marital harmony is not a given state, but an active process in which both partners continuously learn to see, hear, and accept each other.

Augustiniu Mihăilă, psychologist – sociologist

1997, MODERN WOMAN
If There’s No Love…
Love is not just the beginning of a relationship. It is also the means by which it is maintained, developed, or, conversely, destroyed.
If there is no love, nothing works properly — neither communication, nor physical closeness, nor solidarity in facing difficulties.

Many confuse love with the initial passion, with that intense, stirring excitement of the first months.
But mature love means continuity, conscious choice, and constant presence.
To love means to be there — not only when it’s beautiful, but also when it’s hard.
To support, to accept, to grow together with the other.

A clear sign of the absence of love is indifference.
Not reproach, not conflict — but the lack of interest:
– you no longer care what your partner does
– it no longer hurts you if you hurt them
– you no longer seek their closeness

Love requires attention.
It doesn’t maintain itself. It needs small gestures, presence, tenderness, dialogue.
Not necessarily flowers and romantic dinners, but daily connection.

In the absence of love, the relationship becomes an empty shell.
Life is lived on the surface:
– the same routines
– the same hollow conversations
– the same cold bed

If there is no love… there is silence. There is fear. There is distance.
And then the question is not just “Do you love?” but also:
“Do you show this love?”
“Do you care enough to fight for it?”

Because love doesn’t die suddenly.
It dies in repeated silences, in the absence of a gaze, in the lack of care.

Mariana Ionescu

1997, MODERN WOMAN
Ways to Keep Love Alive
Section: Notes on Sexology
Our lives are constantly subject to traumas generated by the often hostile environment in which we live.
The love between a man and a woman is a psychological experience of great beauty and, because of this, the main source of energy for the human being.

The feeling of love arises with the onset of puberty and is subconsciously associated with the need for sexual closeness.
To be able to choose the right partner, we must know our own desires very well — aesthetic, emotional, social, and cultural.

Over time, even if we have found (at least in our opinion) the ideal partner, relationships in the couple can deteriorate.
The feeling of love diminishes and remains, as many say, only habit or obligation — “for the children.”

However, there are also happy couples who have kept their love alive, proving that any relationship can be maintained at high levels of happiness if both partners know and want this.

For this, a conscious attitude in the relationship is necessary, allowing for the continuous development of the feeling of love.

It is good:
– to learn to understand the other’s feelings
– to correct gently, not with reproaches
– not to escalate conflicts over small gestures
– not to forget that a mistake may come from fatigue, inattention, or misunderstanding

Just as at the beginning partners exchange kind words, kisses, and caresses, they must keep this habit alive.
Not to tire of it. Not to forget. Not to neglect. Not to sow indifference.

Without this attention, the temptation of extramarital relationships appears — a dangerous phenomenon for the future of the couple, which most often leads to separation.

The intensity of sexual relations is also important.
The intimate act should take place only when both desire it.
Repeated refusals or constant excuses lead to distancing, fear, insecurity, and sometimes infidelity.

The family must be the place where you retreat with pleasure, where it is warm and welcoming.
Not a space for nervous outbursts, shouting, or violence.

The closest people are those in the family.
If we push them away, who do we have left?

____________________

1997, MODERN WOMAN
The Erotic Habit
In eroticism, routine can kill fantasy — but, paradoxically, a certain erotic habit, an intimate ritual unique to each couple, can intensify closeness.
Having an “erotic habit” doesn’t mean boredom — it means connection and emotional recognition.
An erotic habit is not a rigid schedule, but a sequence of gestures, words, touches, or settings repeated with pleasure and emotion.

For some, it can mean:
– a certain type of music
– an evening dedicated only to them
– soft lighting
– a mental state prepared through dialogue
– a glass of wine or a walk

Eroticism is equally sensory and symbolic.
It needs context, not just contact.
The habit becomes a recognition code within the couple — a safe space where the two know they can find each other again.
It is a form of recreated intimacy that protects the couple from banality and emotional isolation.

However, this type of ritual must be kept alive — renewed, reinterpreted, enriched with new elements. Otherwise, it turns into an automatism and loses exactly what makes it valuable: the intensity of the experience.

Dr. Stănescu warns that the complete absence of an erotic habit may indicate:
– a relationship where sexuality has no stable place
– or a low level of emotional involvement

In conclusion:
Don’t be afraid of erotic habits.
If they are alive, chosen, and desired by both partners, they can become:
– a source of stability
– a reason for joy
– a deep form of mutual recognition in intimate life

Dr. Silviu C. Stănescu, psychiatrist

1997, MODERN WOMAN
The Erotic Habit – An Enemy of Harmony?
Section: Dialogues Without Prejudice

— I never would have thought that, after barely eight years of marriage, I’d be in the position of a woman who no longer knows the charm of erotic pleasure. And I say that sincerely, because from the point of view of sexual compatibility, Costel — my husband — and I are an ideal pair. Yet, between us has crept, unnoticed, an invisible adversary. All the more insidious for being unseen.

— Now you’ve made me curious — what is it?

— Costel has certain erotic habits that I could, without exaggeration, call rituals. Although young and virile, in intimacy he has a monotonous, rigid, even exasperating behavior.

— What exactly does he do?

— Let me tell you. First of all, he refuses any improvisation. If, under certain circumstances, a mutual mood arises, he hesitates. It doesn’t match his predetermined “scenario.” For years, everything has happened on Saturday nights: after we eat and watch TV, he gives me that look — part sensual, part self-assured — and I am expected to comply: to slip into bed, docile, available, and full of charm.

— And your desire faded…

— Yes. My libido started to die out. I find it hard to enjoy “Saturday night love,” which I’ve even started to hate. And there are moments — Sunday afternoons when the kids aren’t home, when I’m tired or irritable — when I feel the need for spontaneous intimacy. I’ve suggested it many times, directly or indirectly.

— And?

— He reacts badly. He has all sorts of explanations. The most frequent: “mental programming.” He says his sexual memory markers are set for Saturday night, when he can sleep in the next day. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

— Don’t force it. Every habit can be unlearned. Try to keep yourself busy on Saturdays, going to bed later — when Costel is bored of waiting. Suggest that your intimate moments take place on Sunday mornings instead. Make him coffee, look refreshed after a shower, and be available for moments of closeness.

It’s important to take the erotic initiative, at least occasionally. If his habits have become a source of inhibition, you can bring that element of surprise and vitality that reignites desire.
Don’t expect immediate results. Be patient, charming, and consistent — and you’ll see success.

Maria Șerban-Predescu, psychologist

_________

1998, MODERN WOMAN
Forbidden Attitudes in Front of the Desired Man
What can put some men off in women’s behavior?

– Lack of elegance in movement, gesture, gaze, or walk
– Faking naturalness
– Excessive smiling paired with a direct “straight-in-the-nose” gaze
– Loud laughter, especially if tinged with self-satisfaction
– The “under the eyebrow” glance, with a whiny sound, repeated as if uncontrollable

These types of postures rarely work — even for attractive women with presence, style, and determination.

Imitating others’ body language, in any situation:
– holding a cigarette “like your idol”
– wearing a feathered hat
– pretending to be wise or a femme fatale

Speaking slowly, in a “whisper,” with long pauses, sighs, and gasps
– It’s estimated that 16.12% of men are completely unmoved by this type of “mystery”
– Stage vulgarity, in language or clothing, is equally off-putting

A “blank” gaze, without reaction or smile, paired with a rigid posture — even if he is gallant and attentive
A “pensive” expression is completely inadvisable
Any gesture with a rejection effect toward the man is to be avoided

Favorable attitudes:
– A relaxed facial expression
– A sincere smile, from time to time, as a discreet joy
– Natural body movement expressed through gestures or the warm tone of voice
– Ambiguities like mysterious, exotic, fanciful, playful can create atmosphere — but without becoming frightening
– A woman can be approachable, especially when she feels the man is about to pull away
– It’s important for every woman to express her desires and feelings:
 – Show clearly that you want him and expect something from him

If he smiles and becomes relaxed, take the opportunity for jokes, hints, or gestures of closeness
– In other cases… fake it as much as possible

— M. Radu

__________

1998, MODERN WOMAN
Frankly, About “House Sex”
Section: Dialogues Without Prejudice

Next to his wife, a man stops being a seducer
The traps of life together: habit, comfort, routine
Why do women rush to become… wives?

A young woman came to therapy and told me about her fiancé:
“He makes love to me just like to a wife…”

She smiled with satisfaction, proud of the closeness between them. She had been married before, so she knew what she was talking about. But the delight on her face made me think…

For many women, there is a gap between healthy “house sex” and refined sex — the privilege of lovers and passionate affairs. In stable relationships — married or not — the time devoted to foreplay and afterplay is drastically reduced. The latter disappears altogether, exiled from the marital bed.

When they realize what they’ve lost, many women blame the man — committing an injustice: the fault is shared.
Thus, women lose the most beautiful moments of emotional intimacy: kisses, caresses, words of love.

Women rush into the “wife role”
I thought a lot about what my patient said.
In their rush for emotional and domestic security, many women start behaving like wives — even before marriage.

“Men love women, but for wives they have mixed feelings.”
Next to a wife, a man stops being the hunter, the seducer, the hero.
He becomes “the husband” — the demystified man, defeated by routine.
They like bold women, without modesty, available. But they marry the modest ones, with the promise of a stable family. Then, all their lives, they sigh and look for thrills and fleeting affairs.

None of them have the courage to say what they truly want. They prefer a comfortable compromise: “healthy house sex.”
This silent dissatisfaction quickly leads to emotional cooling, adultery, frigidity, and impotence.

The courage to speak frankly
Improving sexual life requires courage and marital dignity.
If you can’t tell your partner your most intimate desires — then who can you tell?

Routine is the trap many couples fall into even before marriage. It’s often mistaken for “compatibility,” but in reality, it can be a sign of comfort and lack of engagement.

If two people become sexually slow and predictable even before signing the papers (in an era of “trial periods”), they should think seriously before going to the Civil Registry.
Of course, there are many other foundations for a solid marriage, but first of all, ask yourselves honestly:
Isn’t temptation, perhaps, closer than you think?
Ioana Drăgan, sexologist

1998, MODERN WOMAN
Sensitive Points in Everyday Life
After partners get past the “hot” period of the first months of living together, a few sensitive points appear — unexpectedly — ready to spark unnecessary conflicts or even a full-blown marital crisis. Here are some of the most common pretexts for dissatisfaction in a couple, along with possible solutions.

— “You never take Bubi out for a walk…”
— “You always forget to feed Miti…”
For those who don’t know who Bubi and Miti are, one might think this is jealousy toward other people. In reality, they’re pets. But it’s not far from the truth: a partner often feels they come second, after cats, dogs, relatives, or… Mădă. Caring for family and loved ones is natural, but the couple — the foundation of the relationship — must not be neglected.

— “All the eggs are gone from the fridge…”
— “I told you not to eat the blueberry dessert — it was for my favorite cake!”
— “Why did you take the battery?”
The fridge becomes a conflict zone, as do other “shared” items. Yet behind trivial remarks, unspoken emotional needs may hide. Sometimes, a lack of consideration in a domestic detail can be felt as a general lack of respect.

— “We’ve run out of money again. You’ve spent everything!”
— “You spent so much on Christmas decorations?”
Money is a recurring source of disputes. Even in couples where financial decisions are made together, tensions can arise. Bills, installments, “small” expenses can light the fuse of older, unspoken conflicts. Open communication and balanced responsibility are essential.

— “You sprayed deodorant again? What kind of hygiene is that?”
— “I don’t know how you manage at work if you act like this at home.”
Criticism of personal habits may hide accumulated frustrations. Psychologists call this projection or deeper dissatisfaction, expressed through seemingly minor remarks.

— “You don’t hold me at night anymore, you turn your back on me…”
Changes in physical intimacy can signal an emotional rift. Complaints about sleeping positions or gestures of tenderness are not about comfort, but about emotional distance.

— “What do you like so much about this series? Football is stupid!”
Differences in taste suddenly become sources of irritation. What was once charming or tolerable can, over time, become grounds for rejection.

— “Are you obsessed? Why don’t you take your pills?”
Lack of empathy toward anxiety, health problems, or the need for support is a serious warning sign. Such remarks can mask a deep crisis, requiring intervention and often professional help. Don’t wait for the final explosion — the emotional time bomb can have devastating effects.

A Brief Guide to Erotic Practices
Marius Radu – anthropological researcher, Romanian Academy

Sexologists have analyzed behaviors that inhibit men during foreplay, based on real-life observations of married couples (voluntarily filmed). According to the research of psycho-anthropologist Linda M. Dickson, the following gestures are often perceived negatively by many men:

– Subtle questions that distract from the erotic moment
– Hugging too early in a mechanical way
– Uncontrolled laughter in intimate moments
– Artificial movements that reveal lack of involvement
– Excessive back caressing
– Rigid positions, held unnecessarily
– Vulnerable vocalizations or prolonged moans without naturalness
– Forced touching of temples, ears, buttocks
– Over-repeated, affected phrases like “I love you”
– Overpowering perfume
– Irony when it comes to tenderness
– Refrains about “how it used to be”

These behaviors may seem insignificant, but accumulated, they become sources of discomfort in erotic life.

Violeta Baur

1998, MONITORUL
The Sexual Revolution Knocks on the Doors of Romanian Schools

■ A “taboo” subject in schools — when it comes to sexuality, young people are left to fend for themselves
■ Without support, many teenagers make irreparable mistakes: girls become victims of rape or get pregnant, boys may get sick
■ Whether we like it or not, we must teach students to approach sexuality with discernment

Sexuality — A Reality of Adolescence
Sexuality holds a central place in teenagers’ lives. Young people are bombarded with partial, incomplete information from “sexy” magazines, movies, or friends. The image thus formed about sexuality, contraception, or intimacy is far from reality.

This educational void can lead to serious consequences: suicide attempts, HIV infection, unwanted pregnancies. Moreover, early motherhood interrupts educational paths and affects professional development opportunities.

A study shows that 94% of teenagers consider sexual education in schools necessary, and half believe it should start in primary grades.

A Lot of Practice, Too Little Theory
Young people start their sexual life much earlier than a decade ago. The increasing number of abortions among girls aged 15–18 proves the lack of education and access to contraceptive methods.
Although 90% of students have heard of condoms or pills, half do not know how to use them. The information they have is brief and contradictory.

Wrong Sources, Dangerous Silences
Teachers and parents alike avoid the subject of sexuality. Teachers fear jokes and mockery, while parents believe that discussing sex means giving “permission” to practice it.

Yet young people need support: they have questions, insecurities, strong emotions. If they don’t get clear, ethical advice, they will build their references from rumors or pornography.

Experts’ Opinion: Yes, But With Discernment
Experts agree: information is vital, but it must be age-appropriate.

Dr. Cristina Lupu, school psychologist:
“Information about the body, sexuality, personal boundaries, and emotional safety should be offered progressively, starting from primary school. It’s not just about biology, but about relationships, empathy, respect.”

Prof. Gheorghe M., high school principal:
“Students talk about sex anyway. The difference is the context: between two music videos or in a well-prepared class, with correct and honest answers.”

Father Vasile C., parish priest:
“We are not against education, but against vulgarity. Sexuality can be taught with decency and morality.”

What Should Sexual Education Include?

A modern program, suited to Romania’s realities, should include:
– Reproductive anatomy and physiology (with a psychological component)
– Respect for one’s own body and for others
– Contraceptive methods and prevention of sexually transmitted diseases
– Consent, personal boundaries, emotional education
– Combating sexual myths and prejudices
– Preventing abuse, violence, and harassment

Promising Initiatives
In 1998, some schools in Bucharest, Iași, Cluj, and Timișoara introduced pilot programs in partnership with NGOs and doctors. Results were encouraging:
– More openness in dialogue with teachers
– Increased demand for counseling
– Decrease in sexual bullying

Conclusion
Sexual education does not mean promiscuity, but protection, responsibility, and self-knowledge. Romania has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates and a steady increase in sexually transmitted infections.

The sexual revolution must not be chaotic. It must be guided, empathetic, and science-based. Knocking on the school’s door is not a threat, but an urgent need and a call for clarity.

____________

1999, AGENDA MAGAZIN
Romantic Atmosphere
The bedroom is where a couple spends most of their time together, and a romantic setting in this space will help the relationship thrive.

What should NOT be in the bedroom: a television (partners have better things to do) and… children (don’t allow them in at all if you want your intimacy secured).

Instead, make sure you have:
Candles — especially white ones, which help create a romantic atmosphere; always have matches handy to light them; candles also have the advantage that in their light, not all skin or body imperfections are visible…

1999, AGENDA MAGAZIN
Romantic Essentials for the Bedroom

Massage Oil – If your partner has had a hard day, it’s a great opportunity to help them relax, keeping in mind that in the bedroom, a massage doesn’t have to be entirely “innocent.”

Music – Preferably not too “lively” — choose tracks you both enjoy.

Large, fluffy pillows – Sometimes, an uncomfortable bed can be replaced by an inviting pillow.

Appropriate bed linen – Sheets with teddy bears and flowers may be cute, but they’re not romantic. The best choice for this love nest would be satin or cotton sheets in white or red.

A small rug by the bed – If you don’t have one, by the time your feet warm up, your partner might already be asleep…
– M.G.

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1999, AGENDA MAGAZIN
Give Compliments

Often, a relationship hits a rough patch because we stop seeing the good in the other person and stop saying things that bring them joy. With a bit of effort, we can be kind to those beside us:

– Be interested in what your partner does at work; encourage them to talk about their colleagues. If that bores you, instead of faking interest, ask about things that matter to you (a hobby, favorite sport, etc.).
– Laugh at their jokes — you don’t have to overdo it, but nobody likes telling a joke and getting no reaction.
– Tell them how good they look.
– Express admiration often for what they do — whether he fixed a door latch or she baked a cake — appreciate the small things they do just for you.
– Say you’d like to spend more time together.
– Smile at them as often as you can.

– Don’t be shy to tell them they’re wonderful and that you feel loved.
– Don’t think you lose anything by not relying on others for things your partner can do.
– Admire their good behavior in public, with relatives, friends, or in general.
– Acknowledge the things they do out of goodwill, generosity, and intelligence.
– M.G.

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2000, MODERN WOMAN

30 Phrases That Drive Men Crazy

Leave it, I’ll make a man out of you!
I promise this is the last shoe store we’ll go into.
You can have one more beer, then we’ll go home.
That secretary of yours called you at home again.
The muscles on that actor are insane.
You choose: do you prefer washing the dishes or vacuuming?
Which do you think — should I wear the plaid suit or the pinstriped one?
I don’t understand why you have to watch the match when there’s a good telenovela on another channel.
My son got another ten in math.
Be nice, give your son some pocket money.
So his meeting ran late? Breathe toward me.
Honey, didn’t you use my eyeliner to finish your crossword?
Brake — don’t you see the light is about to turn red?
It must be so nice to be a man!
You don’t mind, do you, that I invited my mother over for dinner?
You care more about that wretched Dacia than you do about me.
Why do you go fishing if you never catch anything?
When will you learn to tie your tie properly?
At least put the newspaper down when I’m talking to you.
We will go to Sinaia for vacation this year, right?
You know, Popescu got his wife a gold necklace for their anniversary.
Not now, leave me — I have a terrible headache.
Isn’t it true that you’re not this quiet even when I’m not around?
Who was that woman on the phone? I didn’t catch all the rudeness!
Don’t you think it’s time to reorganize the house a bit?
I’ve told you a thousand times to put the toilet seat down — or are your dirty socks scattered everywhere?
I don’t understand what men find so attractive about Cindy Crawford.
My teddy bear, you don’t mind that I bragged about you for a million lei, right?
Do you still love me, even just a little?
Why didn’t I marry my first love?
(V.E.)

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2016, REVISTA 22
The Church, the Family, and the Constitution
Fr. Dr. Emanuel Sorin Bugner

In Romania, over 800,000 signatures were gathered to modify the Constitution to ban same-sex marriages.

The NGOs grouped under the Coalition for the Family announced they had reached and exceeded the number of signatures required to amend the Constitution so that marriage is defined strictly as being between a man and a woman.

Supported by the Romanian Orthodox Church (BOR), the initiative targets Article 48 of the fundamental law, which currently states that “The family is founded on the freely consented marriage between spouses, on their equality, and on the right and duty of parents to ensure the upbringing, education, and training of children.” The goal is to replace “spouses” with “a man and a woman.”

Church Arguments
The Romanian Orthodox Church, along with other denominations, has consistently held that the family is founded on the freely consented marriage between a man and a woman. This position, it argues, is not intolerance but fidelity to a theological and natural anthropology.

At the heart of marriage lies the idea of complementarity — communion between the sexes for the purpose of transmitting life and growing in love. The Church does not condemn people of other sexual orientations but cannot validate a form of life that contradicts its teachings.

Debate in the European Union
The EU is in the midst of debates about recognizing same-sex partnerships or marriages. Late 2015 brought contradictory signals:
– Slovenia rejected, by a two-thirds majority in a referendum, a law allowing same-sex marriage.
– Greece, despite the influence of its Orthodox Church, passed a law allowing civil partnerships for same-sex couples with strong parliamentary support.

European Situation Summary:
– Belgium — legalized same-sex marriage in 2003, adoption rights in 2006.
– Spain — legalized same-sex marriage and adoption in 2005.
– Norway — equal marriage rights, adoption, and assisted reproduction since 2009.
– Sweden — same-sex marriage in civil or Lutheran ceremonies since 2009; adoption legal since 2003.
– Portugal — same-sex marriage legal since 2010, but adoption rights excluded.
– Iceland — same-sex marriage in 2010, adoption in 2006.
– Denmark — Lutheran same-sex marriages since 2012.
– France — marriage and adoption rights for same-sex couples since 2013.
– England & Wales — same-sex marriage since 2013; Scotland followed in 2014.
– Luxembourg — same-sex marriage in 2015; PM Xavier Bettel married his partner.
– Ireland — legalized same-sex marriage by referendum in 2015.
– Finland — voted for marriage equality in 2014, effective in 2017.

International Precedent
In July 2015, the European Court of Human Rights ruled that a same-sex couple has the right to legal recognition (Oliari and Others v. Italy). It held that a registered partnership or civil union is an appropriate way to ensure recognition of same-sex relationships. The Court noted that 24 of the 47 Council of Europe states already recognize such unions.

Shortly before, European Commission Vice-President Frans Timmermans had called for marriage equality across the EU, urging all member states to recognize same-sex marriages on equal footing with heterosexual ones.

Just one month before the ECHR decision, on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, the American justice system made a ruling on this matter. In June 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States decided to legalize same-sex marriage. Thus, all states were required to issue marriage licenses when a same-sex couple requested one. Before this moment, 31 U.S. states explicitly defined marriage as between a man and a woman, while the other 19 states allowed same-sex marriage.

Civil partnership and marriage

In April 2013, an initiative by independent MP Remus Cernea, which aimed to legalize civil partnerships between people of different sexes or the same sex, was rejected in Parliament. In the spring of 2013, in the context of discussions about revising the Constitution, several liberal MPs wanted to introduce the definition of family as “the union between a man and a woman,” triggering a wide debate.

Coalition for Family
The Coalition for Family consists of 23 associations and NGOs, such as the “Parents for Religious Education” Association, the “Alliance of Families of Romania” Association, the Catholic Families Association of Romania “Vladimir Ghika,” the PRO VITA Association – Bucharest branch, the “Traditional Family” Association, etc. The initiative committee is made up of 16 multidenominational members: Orthodox, Catholic, Greek Catholic, Baptist, and Pentecostal.

2018, EVENIMENTUL ZILEI
After the referendum failed, they want to formalize gay unions – “Civil partnership” in public discourse will be called “consensual union”
Author: Cătălina Iordache

Two days after the failure of the Referendum for the traditional family, Romanian politicians started public debates on the civil partnership bill.
In the European Union, only the laws of six countries allow the conclusion of registered partnerships: Bulgaria, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Slovakia, and in Romania a bill in this regard is about to be adopted.
The Minister Delegate for European Affairs, Victor Negrescu, announced that next week a bill on civil partnership will be submitted to Parliament.
The Minister stated that the initiative would be supported by the entire political spectrum. The news was confirmed the very next day, with the appearance of the bill.

Same-sex marriage legalized?
Evenimentul Zilei received, exclusively, the bill discussed by PSD and ALDE. The coalition did not officially assume the bill, but will initiate it after some amendments are made. Discussions were also held with PNL and USR for co-signing the proposal.
The bill is drafted in collaboration with the CNCD and LGBT organizations, with contributions from MP Florin Petre Manole and MEP Renate Weber.

What the bill stipulates
The consensual union is the association between two people of different sexes or of the same sex, for the purpose of organizing a shared life as a family life.
– Concluded at the civil registry, through a written declaration.
– Each partner keeps their name.
– The couple is entitled to 5 days of paid leave.
– In case of hospitalization or death, the partner is considered next of kin.
– Provides inheritance rights and survivor’s pension.
– Provides joint health insurance.

No adoptions for gay couples
The bill explicitly prohibits adoption for same-sex partners:
“Same-sex civil partners do not have the right to adoption.”
However, the different-sex partner may adopt a minor if they have participated in raising the child.

Conflict with the Civil Code
The new law would contradict Article 48 of the Constitution, as well as the Civil Code, which defines family based on the marriage between a man and a woman. The president of CNCD, Asztalos Csaba, warns that any attempt to amend this is unconstitutional, according to Constitutional Court decision no. 580/2016.

The position of the Romanian Orthodox Church
The ROC firmly disapproves of the civil partnership bill.
Vasile Bănescu, spokesperson of the Patriarchate:
“It is an unnecessary overlap with the institution of marriage – a surrogate for those who do not fully assume it.”

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2018, EVENIMENTUL ZILEI
High school students encouraged to think transsexual
Author: Ionel Dancu

At a women’s rights conference, high school students from Focșani received lessons and encouragement about sex change in March, according to MPs who complained to the Government.
PSD senator Titus Corlățean, former Minister of Justice, sent an interpellation to Prime Minister Viorica Dăncilă, Education Minister Valentin Popa, and Foreign Minister Teodor Meleșcanu, requesting explanations for the conference in Vrancea:
“I believe we are facing a serious situation of influencing one’s stance on their own identity, in the midst of forming a life concept, at an age vulnerable to this type of message. In other words, we are witnessing an attempt to erase natural gender differences. All this, without prior proper information and without parents’ consent,” the senator wrote.

MPs Luminița Jivan (PSD), Florica Cherecheș (PNL), and Dumitru Mihăilescul (PNL) also complained to the Ministry on the same topic.

What happened
“Based on a protocol signed between the U.S. Embassy and the Vrancea County School Inspectorate, on February 24, 2018, in Focșani, a conference entitled ‘Women Talk’ took place. Initially announced as a debate on the discrimination of women and domestic violence, this event was, in fact, intended to promote Transgender/LGBT ideology.”

Target group: high school students from the city of Focșani, brought by teachers.
Promoters: representatives of NGOs promoting ‘transgender’ issues.

During the discussions, a transgender person told the students:
“Gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things that can combine in any possible way. I now identify as a trans man, hetero, sacro, romantic, and pansexual. Don’t ask me what it means, I want you to do your own exercises!”

“I think it is extremely rewarding to do the exercise of thinking beyond the male–female binary, because each of us has within us, whether it’s 0.1% or 70–80%, something from the gender considered the other; and equally valid are those identities called non-binary, which belong neither to the male gender nor to the female gender, may belong to both in different and variable proportions, or to neither.”

The Ministry of Education washes its hands of it
The Ministry of Education stated that it had no involvement in organizing the conference and tried to stop it.
According to MEN:
– On 31.01.2018, a collaboration project with the American Councils for International Education in Bucharest was submitted to the Vrancea County School Inspectorate.
– The activity was taken over by the Vrancea County Student Council, without consulting the inspectorate regarding the content and invited speakers.
– When the ISJ Vrancea found out, it requested urgent parental notification and did not approve or support the event.

National Parental Education Strategy
supported by the Ministry of National Education and UNICEF

The event in Focșani was just one example of the tensions sparked by initiatives promoting “gender diversity” in school.
In the same context, several religious leaders, teachers, and MPs criticized the National Parental Education Strategy (2018–2025), supported by the Ministry of Education and UNICEF.
The strategy proposes, among other things:
– reforming parents’ education so they adopt “European values” about family, gender, and sexuality;
– preparing parents to understand diversity in terms of sexual orientation, religion, and ethnicity;
– introducing parental education in schools, kindergartens, and community centers.

“Repeated reproaches, circular discussions, the feeling that you’re not being heard, emotional avoidance – all are warning signs. If we address these things early, we can prevent a couple’s breakup.”

Romania – the shortest couple relationships in Europe
According to studies by the School for Couples, relationships in Romania last on average 9 years – the shortest in Europe.
“We lack relational education. We don’t know how to be in a healthy couple.”

What attracts you at first ends up annoying you
“The paradox is that exactly what attracts you to your partner in the first years – spontaneity, independence, gentleness – can become a source of conflict. It’s a sign that we don’t truly know our emotional wounds.”

After falling in love comes the crisis
“Every relationship goes through a crisis phase after the first 2–3 years. That’s when the real challenges appear: conflicts, differences, frustrations. This doesn’t mean love disappears, but that it transforms.”

Trust, more important than love
“Romantic love is important, but it’s not enough. Trust, respect, emotional safety, and friendship are fundamental. Without them, love erodes.”

Without difficult conversations, relationships fall apart
“A healthy couple knows how to have uncomfortable conversations. To talk about what hurts, without running away. To take responsibility for mistakes. To learn to repair.”

“Choose the one who can grow alongside you”
“It matters less how theoretically compatible the partner is. What’s important is whether they are open to change, whether they want to grow the relationship. Compatibility is built, not found.”

Relational education should be taught in school
“We have financial, traffic, sexual education – but we don’t have relational education. Young people don’t know what a healthy relationship means. We need programs in high schools and universities to teach them how to love without losing themselves.”
“We live in an age where we want deep, authentic relationships, but we have the fewest skills to build them. We are the generation that has learned what it doesn’t want, but doesn’t really know what it does want.”

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2022, LIBERTATEA
The story of a Romanian woman who emigrated to Spain to escape domestic violence
by Diana Meseșan

‘Home’, in Romania, meant beatings, humiliation, and fear for Georgiana Zamfirache. In 2009, the woman made a hard but necessary decision: she fled with her 3-year-old daughter, leaving behind an abusive husband and a state that did not protect her.
“I was afraid for my child. For my life and hers,” Georgiana begins her story.
She arrived in Spain with no money, no documents, but with one hope: to rebuild her life. She worked as a caregiver, then in cleaning, then as a cook. She learned the language, got qualifications, and gradually achieved stability. But the trauma remained.
“I still dream at night that I’m in the house with him and I can’t get out.”

A state that asks: “Why didn’t you leave earlier?”
In Romania, Georgiana says, no one took her suffering seriously. The police came twice and told her that “we can’t do anything if you don’t have a medical certificate.”
When she asked a social worker for help, she was told: “If it’s so bad, why don’t you leave?”

“As if it’s easy to leave with a small child, no money, no home. As if they wouldn’t kill you before you manage to leave.”

In Spain, the system reacts
Once in Spain, Georgiana was housed for a few weeks in a shelter for victims of domestic violence.
“They had psychologists, a lawyer, social assistance. They were organized. They believed me, they didn’t judge me.”
She received financial help for a period, support for her daughter’s schooling, and, most importantly, protection.

What real protection means
In Spain, restraining orders are enforced immediately. The police check if the aggressor approaches the victim. There is a national database, and victims receive special alert phones.
“I felt safe for the first time. My daughter slept peacefully.”

Breaking an order is punished seriously
Her ex-husband came twice to Spain and looked for her. The police detained him. “They banned him from approaching me within 500 meters, wherever I might be.”
He was warned that violating the order meant prison without suspension.
“Such a thing doesn’t happen in Romania.”

Life today
Today, Georgiana lives in Zaragoza. She works in a kitchen and has managed to buy a small apartment. Her daughter is in high school.
“I still go to therapy. I’m still learning to trust. But I no longer live in fear.”

“I saved myself for my daughter”
Georgiana agreed to speak because she wants other women to know that they can leave, that they deserve to live in safety.
“I grew up with the idea that you have to endure, that the man has rights over you. No, he doesn’t. And you don’t have to die in silence.”

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2023, LIBERTATEA
Midlife crisis
Motto: “Midway upon the journey of our life” – Dante, Inferno
Documentary by Ileana Sandu

A feeling of deep melancholy. Regrets and wave after wave of sadness. “Midway upon the journey of our life,” as Dante said, we feel that time is slipping out of our control, leading us toward life’s epilogue. We seek extreme emotions and dream of a second youth. Romantic infatuations, plastic surgery, and unnecessary shopping are classic symptoms of the midlife crisis. The first signs are feelings of anger and exclusion, which often compromise relationships with those close – primarily family members. Even long-lasting marriages can enter a crisis. Infidelity (real or imagined), the routine of family life are frequent causes.
The crisis is defined as a period of emotional turmoil between the ages of 40 and 60, characterized by an increased desire for change and reevaluation. People ask themselves: “What is the meaning of my life?”, “Have I lived as I should?”, “What remains unexplored?”
There is also the fear of death, which leads to professional changes, impulsivity, risky behaviors, or health problems.
But not everything is negative. The crisis can bring a new perspective, a desire to reconnect with family, or to focus on quality of life rather than work.

Causes
The crisis can be triggered by divorce, the death of a loved one, boredom, or a traumatic event. The transition occurs when identity and goals come into conflict – often related to the aging process.
The suicide rate is highest among men between the ages of 45–54.
This age can mean either children’s independence and the “empty nest,” or caring for an elderly parent. We realize that we have missed opportunities, that we are not professionally fulfilled, or that physical abilities have diminished.

Common symptoms
– anxiety

•  sudden changes in career or lifestyle
• antisocial, impulsive, irrational behavior
• fixation on the past, memories, loves from youth
• depression or unstable moods
• physical changes or changes in personal care
•  lack of purpose, sadness, nostalgia
•  excessive spending, hypochondria
• sleep disorders, weight fluctuations
• desire to reconnect with the “self”
• spiritual changes, conversions or new religious practices
•  excessive analysis of past failures

Differences between women and men
Women strongly feel physical changes: the appearance of wrinkles, lack of appreciation, need for reassurance. They often seek a younger partner, become jealous and emotionally unstable. The husband, if he does not understand, contributes to the breakup of the relationship.
Men become angry, grumpy, dissatisfied. They blame their partner, want to “recover” their youth, seek refuge in affairs, alcohol consumption, or start a life with a younger partner just to prove that they “still can.”

Conclusion
Psychologists believe it is not a disease and has no standard treatment. The crisis can no longer be precisely defined: life expectancy is increasing, the age of old age is shifting, and the “middle” is becoming relative.
Only 25% of aging is dictated by genetics – the rest depends on lifestyle: sleep, diet, clear goals.
Midlife can be a stage of authentic maturity, where we are more confident, more selective, but also more connected to what truly matters.
“It’s so important to let certain things go. Close the door. Change the record. Clean up. Stop being who you were and transform into who you are.”  Paulo Coelho

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2023, DILEMA VECHE, no. 985
How We Love Now
Interview with Vlad Stroescu, psychiatrist, conducted by Anda Docea

On impossible loves and the fuel of creation
We encounter in literature, music, painting – in all art forms, in fact – but also in what we learn about personalities from various fields, love stories I would generically call “impossible”: unfulfilled, unrequited, unforgettable.
– Is this “impossibility” an eternal fuel for creation and for changes of destiny?

Vlad Stroescu: The psychiatrist in me sees art as a healing space, a therapeutic means. This contradicts, for example, Théophile Gautier, who said that anything useful is necessarily ugly, that Art and Beauty can have no common purpose.
Art can be transcendent and heal at the same time. Certainly, Petrarch’s sonnets are far more important to humanity than a love affair consummated between him and Laura. But perhaps Petrarch would have gladly given up immortality in exchange for a year with Laura.
The act of writing heals. In it, anything is possible. Unfulfilled love remains love thanks to art. Otherwise, it would die or turn into hatred, yearning, pain. Creation is not only fueled by love – it is love that stubbornly refuses to die.

On the languages of love
– It is said there are several languages of love. How important is it to harmonize them?
It’s hard to say “I love you” simply and sincerely. I already find it easy to tell my children I love them – without words. A child doesn’t understand love, but they know it. That’s where we must start.
Translating the feeling into words is like pulling weeds aside. Even the most beautiful love poem is still a mask. Fortunately, love manages just fine without words. Those I love know this, despite my clumsiness.

On the duration of love
– Does the way we love change in a long relationship? Does love die?
Love is alive – therefore mortal. I don’t believe in formulas like “love lasts three years.” Some loves last decades. Others, like Petrarch’s, last centuries.
Love founds a parallel world, impossible to live in moment by moment, but essential. It takes us out of our own skin, transforms us. Yes, sometimes it dies, and what remains is a loneliness of two – a personal hell. There are drifting couples, with deep dysfunctions, yet with neither partner being “ill.”

On self-love and healing
– Can relationships heal? Or must we be fine with ourselves first?
Yes, love can heal, but we should not enter a relationship as if it were therapy. The other person is not our doctor or savior.
Love can be bondage or freedom. Egoism or altruism. Blake described it wonderfully in The Clod and the Pebble. I believe love asks us to be better. That’s why self-love is important – not out of narcissism, but to avoid harming others. It’s a moral duty.

On having more than one great love
– Can we love “truly” more than once?
Yes. Sometimes we have more than one great love. I don’t rank them. I don’t compare them. Life is too short to love properly even once. There are cities, people, moments that give us the same vibration of falling in love.
Shelley said the idea of a single great love is a form of slavery. Libertinism is superficial, but love – in multiple forms – is natural.

On love as absence or pain
– When people come to your office: is it because of love or the lack of it?
Most often, because of the lack of love. But when they heal, love appears. It was there, latent. There is no pathological love – only repressed, denied, buried love.
We live in a society that asks us to hide love if it doesn’t fit accepted patterns.

On jealousy and fear
– Why does love sometimes turn into hate?
Out of fear. Jealousy is a form of hate and fear of abandonment. We invest emotionally, so we are afraid. Some people blow up their relationships precisely because of this dread.
It’s not the intensity of love that matters, but its quality – how you build it step by step, in trust and stability.

Final: There is only love
– Are there “impossible loves” and “happy loves”?
I don’t think so. There is only love. The rest are our limits. Love is a gentle force. It does not take us by force, but once we experience it, we can no longer resist.
It is one, universal, older than humankind, and it will exist after us.
“Something closer to us than we are to ourselves. Fulfilled or not, accessible or not, it depends on us what we do with its remarkable gift, how much we ask of it and how much we give in return.
For me, the mere existence of certain people is enough. What kind of love is that? How do I classify it? What springs from it?
I don’t know, nor do I ask myself, but it makes me happy and grateful to be alive.”